Booty bumping, fist pumping, GF dumping: girls trip!!!

[wdreamgirl]

Thanks for sharing your trip report. Loving it so far! I can't wait to read the rest.
I also second on girls hating on other girls. I just don't get it.

Right girl?! I just don't understand it. Btw, I friggin LOVE your handle. Hee hee

Thanks again everyone for the love and nice comments.

Sunday – day
Sunday, bloody fucking Sunday. In my previous TR I wrote that I never get hangovers. What a difference a year can make ☹ I don’t get the typical hang overs; puking, shitty feeling, no appetite. For me a hangover means my skin hurts. I feel like I’m bruised, I feel very run down and I feel and behave like a mean girl. So Sunday was another dig deep day. I’m seeing a pattern here…

I was seriously struggling to live. The other days were a minor struggle, but today, oh my. I had dipped into my friend’s pharmacy the night before and was still feeling like a sketch bag princess despite a shower, room service breakfast and resting. I told all the girls that I wasn’t going to drink, as all we had was warm vodka. Who the heck forgot to put the bottle back in the fridge?! What a poor decision. I was miserable until we got to EBC.

The girls had wanted to go early for open bar. No way! Open bar is for mimosas only. A breakfast drink!!! We learned the hard way last year. And I’m pretty sure they’re made with sparkling wine not champagne. Besides, we hate champagne! And the only thing worse than champagne is fake champagne! So Alana and I put our feet down and made the executive decision to skip open bar. Thank God she had my back.

We got to EBC at around 12:30 pm and I had my bitch face on. Arms crossed, pouting, glares and everything. Luckily our Canadian chicks were there and they made sure we caught up quick. I’ve discovered that I cannot under any circumstances do Vegas sober. Moral of the story? Warm vodka is better than no vodka.

Again, no recollection of whom the DJ was. Maybe Diplo? All the pool parties over the trips we’ve taken just meld into one big, soggy, booze-driven, wilding out mess.

I texted my friend good morning/afternoon/happy Sunday fun day. No response. About 45 minutes I texted him again to ask if they were still planning on hitting EBC. No response. Dude usually texts me back right away.

Oooooooohhhhh… was I being punished for cock blocking the night before?! Interesting. Alright friend, I see you.

So I put my phone in my bag kind of irritated and proceeded to get my drink and dance on. The Canadian chicks had booked the daybed for a $1000 minimum and we agreed to split it with them. We were blowing through that minimum like nobody’s business and we’d only been there for less than 2 hours. Our daybed was one of the round ones was facing the DJ but across the pool. Pretty good real estate if you ask me. We had so many characters pass by us throughout the day; a bunch of people with hilarious signs (kissing booth, facebook page), a girl and a guy dressed as slutty Santa and Mrs. Claus, a guy with a giant fake rat trap with a bottle in it (SO FUNNY… he kept waving it in girls faces). However all that funny shit pales in comparison to what happened later that afternoon.

Around 2:30 the FUNNIEST SHIT TO HAVE EVER HAPPENED, happened. The FUNNIEST!!! It’s one for the Vegas books.

Random Awkward Very Rich Jew: Hey sweetie, here’s my card. Let me buy you a drink.

Me: I’m ok thanks.

RAVRJ: But I’m rich.

Me: So am I (not really though, I do alright)

RAVRJ: But I’m rich and a Jew. My people are the chosen ones.

Me: Mazel tov. I’m Catholic. Not that it even matters, especially here in Vegas. Bring me some of your Momma’s matzo ball soup and we’ll talk.

I turned away from him and started to walk back to our daybed when he grabbed my wrist. I saw red. Nobody touches me without my permission and gets away with it. I wanted to punch him but the guy was such a sad character that my heart couldn’t take it.

RAVRJ: Please, I want to hang out with you! Money is no object babe.

Dude proceeds to pull out the biggest wad of cash I have ever seen in real life. Stacks on stacks!!! FYI money does not buy class, but it sure does buy vodka.

Me (bitchily): So tell me then. Silver spoon or self-made?

RAVRJ: Huh?

Me (even more bitchily): Silver spoon or self-made man? The only way you have that much cash is either because you’re a trust fund brat born with a silver spoon in his mouth or you’re a self made successful businessman. Which fucking is it? You’re behavior tells me that you’re a trust fund brat because really, what successful man runs game like that?

RAVRJ: Take my card. See for yourself.

The dick!! So I did take it and googled the shit out of him. Self-made unfortunately. What a tragedy that he thinks he can behave with such douchebaggery. But here’s where it gets good.

So remember the girls from the night before that obviously didn’t like us? Guess who I saw fawning all over our favorite boys while I was being snide and bitchy to RAVRJ? The 5-6s from last night. Friend of mine had a particularly ghastly chick next to him practically on his lap, the Gargoyle that was so rude to me when I was trying to make friends. He was watching me watch him and her from across the pool. Her chin on his shoulder, whispering in his ear, one of his hands around her waist, the other on her knee. I think my head almost exploded. Really dude?! I never thought of myself as a particularly jealous woman, but I was wrong. I actually lost my ability to hear and speak for a few seconds. I vaguely remember hearing the girls running their mouths behind me. “Oh hell nooooooo… Let’s wipe that smirk off of her face…. What the fuck is XXX thinking? Talk about downgrade. Let’s dump her in the pool and see what happens. Nah, she’s already a gremlin and not the cute kind.” Oh my girls, I love them so much!

Ok friend! If a mind fuck is what you’re looking for, then a mind fuck is what you are going to get. Just don’t hate the playa, hate the game!!

So fueled by my annoyance and a slight bit of arousal (I’m so crazy), I turned to Random Awkward Very Rich Jew.

Me (more sassily than bitchy): Here’s the deal newfound Jewish friend, you’re not getting with me. It’s not going to happen. But here’s what I’m going to suggest to you, why don’t you buy us a few bottles? We’re going to drink them in your honor, but not with you. You can’t drink with us! In exchange, we will help you get women, not thirsty ratchet hoes. We’ll teach you the art of conversation and running game and it’s not going to be any of that pick up artist loser shit. It’s an important life skill that you clearly haven’t learned. You’re walking around a Vegas pool party, the day half done and you haven’t closed shit. Which is so sad considering that we’re in the town where money speaks volumes above everything else.

I was seriously ranting at this point and gesturing with my hands and getting all mad and twisty, finger in his face. My girls were now a silent audience.

Me: And seeing as how you are a rich self-made man, the cost of the bottles is pocket change. Your ROI is going to be far greater than what you spend. You do know what ROI is right?

RAVRJ: Yes I am aware of what return on investment is.

Alanna: Dude, take the offer. You need it.

Amanda: You fucking need it!!!!

Alyssa: Flashing your stacks around. You must be new money, so tacky! Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk.

Canadian chick: Take it! Take it! Take it!

RAVRJ: … Alright. Give me one second.

He walked away and returned with our server.

I died. I literally was consumed by my laughter. I have never been so damn ballsy in my life. All of us were flabbergasted. RAVRJ ended up buying us a magnum of Belvedere and a bottle of champagne and covering the cost of what we’d already consumed… in cash! Money really was not object for him. Ugh… champagne though. I think he just wanted the attention that comes with buying a bottle of champagne because we didn’t ask for that.

Sorry Mom.

So fast forward…

RAVRJ has NO FUCKING GAME. Mr. Zero Personality right here. But we made him a promise, we’d get him some hot women. For a successful guy though, he learns very slowly and doesn’t retain shit! How he made it so far in business I will never understand.

We gave him pretty solid advice:

- Be interested but not too interested
- Be intriguing and a little mysterious, but don’t be so mysterious that girls think you’re a psycho that hides bodies in the basement
- Be a gentleman but not a pussy Mama’s boy
- Read body language and if she’s into it, casually touch her hand or her hair but for the love of God, don’t be creepy about it
- Ask questions about her, but not in a third degree, witness stand kinda way
- Find common ground
- Compliment her, real genuine compliments nothing pervy, degrading, or racist
- Don’t say anything sexual unless she does first

Fucking guy didn’t do shit. Honestly. What a train wreck.

These are some of the things we heard him say to women:

“Hey, your hair is the same color as mine.
I really like your bikini, it’s really small.
Where are you from? Oh, reallllllly?! You don’t look like the girls from there.
Hi, are you ok? You look a little uncomfortable with your friends, come hang out with me.”

So we had to resort to giving him the quarter full magnum and told him to post up in the pool close to the women that he wanted to talk to. We each took turns going into the pool to “randomly run” into our “friend” and flirt, give him kisses on the cheek and hugs.

[wdreamgirl]

Sunday day con't

“OMG RAVRJ! So good to see you!
Where have you been hiding? I miss seeing you!
How come you didn’t call me? You were amazing.
Text me so we can party again tonight…
Thank you so much for the Hermes bracelet.
Remember that time in Cabo… We should do that again!
Do you think you could put in a good word for me with the Congressman xxx’s office, I’m trying to get a job…
Your sister told me that you’re going to Richard Branson’s island. How cool!”

We were laying it on thick! What we said just got more and more over the top. It took a few tries around different groups of girls, but finally we were able to get some women interested in him. It’s surprising how women will want a guy they previously wanted nothing to do with just because other women want him. It’s like we never grew up and left high school. So awful. I can speak from experience… Ms. 5, cough, cough… Hahaha.

Anyway, he ended up leaving with two pretty girls. Definitely out of his league, and most likely were gold diggers, but kudos to RAVRJ. He left with a swagger that he didn’t have before. If anything it was a super plus for his level of self-confidence. I kept his number because he said that we’re now his friends for life. LOL.

Oh Vegas… The crazy shit you make me do. Sometimes our friends don’t believe the stories we have at the end of our trips, but honestly, for me I feel like Vegas is sort of a game. Let’s see what crazy shit we can get up to. What can we get away with this time? The girls and I still laugh about RAVRJ to this day. If we never return to Vegas, it’ll be ok because EBC was so epic that day. But whom am I kidding? I’m addicted to this city.

The RAVRJ shenanigans went on for about an hour I’d say. The entire time my friend was eyeing me from across the pool. I know because I had the girls on lookout for me. It’s funny what desire and irritation can combine to become. I danced danced danced harder than I think I’ve ever danced in my life. Danced away all the rage cuz ya know hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Little Ms. 5 was still around and giving me the evil look of death, cuz I was getting down like I was a one woman show on America’s best dance crew. By this point I was very drunk and feeling very brave and seething, so I kicked off my wedges, hopped into the water, doggy paddled across and pulled myself out of the pool right in front of my dear friend. He was sitting on the edge of his daybed so I climbed into his lap, sopping wet in my super cute bikini and gave him a kiss on the cheek and started to eat their fruit. And eating fruit by the way is not code for anything. I literally was eating watermelon slices from their fruit plate.

I turned to Ms. 5 and her friends and smiled. “Hey, I remember you from last night. You were the girls that didn’t like my friends or at least that’s what we thought cuz you were giving us the death stare. Did we do something to offend you? Sorry if we did. And cute bikini by the way. It really does a lot for you. Are you ok though? You look pretty miserable.” I was being sickly sweet. So much so that the Gargoyles didn’t say anything. I ate more fruit then stood up and told my friend that I just wanted to say hi and I hoped he was having a good time. Gave him another kiss on the cheek, sauntered over to the pool feeling like the world’s baddest chick, hopped back into the water and doggy paddled back to my girls. I’m not much of a swimmer, plus I didn’t want to get my hair wet.

The 5s left soon after that. What an ego boost it must have been for my friend. SMH.

We left at around 5:30ish but I was still ready to party. So much adrenaline in my body!

I decided to roam around the casino at Cosmo by myself for a little while. I joined a craps table and some of the people gave me a quick lesson. I got to have a chance at shooting the dice. I remember watching a documentary once at home about these two guys who had figured out a way to throw the dice in a manner that would make it more likely to get the numbers they were after. Gave that a try. I was ok the first couple of times but tanked horridly after that. The cheers turned to boos and the dice were taken away from me. Sorry new craps friends.

Nothing exciting happened after that except for the fact that I ate TWO chocolate croissants from that bakery in Aria. So. Damn. Yummy. Oink, oink.

I went up to our suite and all the girls were knocked out. Showered, napped and woke up to a text from my friend, “You fuck me up. What are you getting into tonight?”

Next... Sunday night. Our last hoorah

[Cirilo Medina]

Like a BOSS!

[HeySuburbia]

Sunday day con't

I remember watching a documentary once at home about these two guys who had figured out a way to throw the dice in a manner that would make it more likely to get the numbers they were after. Gave that a try. I was ok the first couple of times but tanked horridly after that. The cheers turned to boos and the dice were taken away from me. Sorry new craps friends.

Hahaha. I actually saw that as well and even tried it in Vegas. Yeah, it didn't help me much either.

[PorkChopExpress]

Sunday day con't

“OMG RAVRJ! So good to see you!
Where have you been hiding? I miss seeing you!
How come you didn’t call me? You were amazing.
Text me so we can party again tonight…
Thank you so much for the Hermes bracelet.
Remember that time in Cabo… We should do that again!
Do you think you could put in a good word for me with the Congressman xxx’s office, I’m trying to get a job…
Your sister told me that you’re going to Richard Branson’s island. How cool!”

We were laying it on thick! What we said just got more and more over the top. It took a few tries around different groups of girls, but finally we were able to get some women interested in him. It’s surprising how women will want a guy they previously wanted nothing to do with just because other women want him.

This is actually a basic psychology concept called "social proof". The classic example is if you put a bunch of people on a street corner, and have all of them deliberately look up at NOTHING. Invariably, people passing by will also look up and stare at absolutely nothing - subconsciously, your brain reasons that there MUST be something of value in the sky, since others are looking up. By the same token, if women see a guy with a group of girls, they subconsciously assume that there MUST be something worthwhile about the guy.

Good TR - keep it coming.

[KinStock77]

That story with RAVRJ is hilarious! You guys definitely know how to do Vegas

[JayMan]

We gave him pretty solid advice:

- Be interested but not too interested
- Be intriguing and a little mysterious, but don’t be so mysterious that girls think you’re a psycho that hides bodies in the basement
- Be a gentleman but not a pussy Mama’s boy
- Read body language and if she’s into it, casually touch her hand or her hair but for the love of God, don’t be creepy about it
- Ask questions about her, but not in a third degree, witness stand kinda way
- Find common ground
- Compliment her, real genuine compliments nothing pervy, degrading, or racist
- Don’t say anything sexual unless she does first

This is gold!... I thought I would come here to read and only smile at funny Vegas stories and I'm going away with playboy skills... sick!

[Vegasnoob2014]

EDM what a stupid term. I grew up in the era of house music, different vibes.

It is stupid, but it's how the industry sold it to America. I'm torn between happy that music that is similar to what I really like is finally on US radio, and sad because it's very commercial.

[*ho_train*]

Right girl?! I just don't understand it. Btw, I friggin LOVE your handle. Hee hee

HAHA thanks! I've had that nickname for 15 years now, lol...but it has since evolved.

Sucks how your friend tried to make you jealous with someone not even worth your time. I loved how you killed her with kindness. I do that all the time to people who don't deserve it, but it's funny 'cause they don't know how to respond. Glad to hear your girls had your back.

It's also awesome how you got RAVRJ hooked up with a girl. He owes you and your girls big time.

Sounds like my girls and you and your girls would get along great! hehe

[joachimorjoe]

This is gold!... I thought I would come here to read and only smile at funny Vegas stories and I'm going away with playboy skills... sick!

Indeed, salute to wdreamgirl for entertaining us all and helping us fellas out a little while she's at it. Ever notice how most girls just tell you what not to do? Props to the writer for actually saying what to do! (FTR: my game is a lot better than RAVRJ, but I'll still take any help I can get)

[AusVIP]

Yep Wdreamgirl one of the best trip reports i have read for a while. Love your work!!! with me 3 weeks out... you have helped increase the excitement and anticipation level another notch highter

[Gumbo_Techno]

Amanda: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoaaaaaa R. Kelly. I am much older than I look, but that doesn’t matter considering you think I’m a baby. You know what you need to do? You need to get back to working on your craft. You were my favourite R&B singer of all time. Bump and Grind was my shit. It was my shit until I realized that you don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind… with children!!! You don’t see nothing wrong with taking a piss on them!

I literally LOL'd.

[BuckeyeFan]

nice report

[wdreamgirl]

This is actually a basic psychology concept called "social proof". The classic example is if you put a bunch of people on a street corner, and have all of them deliberately look up at NOTHING. Invariably, people passing by will also look up and stare at absolutely nothing - subconsciously, your brain reasons that there MUST be something of value in the sky, since others are looking up. By the same token, if women see a guy with a group of girls, they subconsciously assume that there MUST be something worthwhile about the guy.

Good TR - keep it coming.

Ahhhhh.... social proof. Interesting. Thanks for sharing. I have noticed that when groups of people congregate I am DYING to see what they're looking at it. I literally make it my life's goal for that moment to find out for myself. I thought it was just because I'm nosy as hell lol.

[wdreamgirl]

Hahaha. I actually saw that as well and even tried it in Vegas. Yeah, it didn't help me much either.

False advertising dammit haha.