Prologue
So here it is, hope you enjoy the report from the English bachelor party. Since we didn’t really have any division between the day and night I’ve just split it into different parts. Sorry if it’s too long (never said that before..), or for any dyslexic mistakes.
Part One – I Gotta Feeling..
“Are you in Las Vegas for business or pleasure?”, asked the lady at the immigration desk.
“Pleasure”, I respond, giving her a cheeky wink.
She doesn’t wink back.
As I sat in the limo to the Hard Rock Hotel, I sipped my champagne and looked across at the wolfpack of 12 under my command. For many of them this was their first tour of duty and I could see the fear and excitement in their eyes. The bachelor was mumbling something about jetlag and early nights, but a Jaegermeister waterboarding session on the limo floor soon shut him up.
After a 10 hour flight consisting of drinking the bar dry, we were in high spirits when we arrived and slipped the receptionist a $40 dollar sandwich. But she promptly pissed on our fireworks when she said “Thanks guys, that’s so sweet”, didn’t give us an upgrade and kept the money! I got the grief for this from my guys but took it on the chin, we were in celebrity suites anyway so it wasn’t too bad..
Now I know the Hard Rock gets a bad rep but I personally love it. It’s smaller, but everyone is there to get messed up and I always love the vibe. No kids are going to cry that I’ve spilt drink on their heads and no grannies are going to wet themselves on me, it’s designed to be a party hotel and it really cuts the mustard (and ..OMG..like..the Britney outfits were to DIE for!). Our rooms were pretty awesome with a big living area, a bar and a great view of the pool and strip. So we got showered, splashed on the sex panther, cracked open a few of the 24 litre bottles of Moet we had bought and proceeded to turn it up a notch. I also had a sandwich..this was the last food I was to eat all trip.
We went to a bar at the top of the Mandalay Bay for some shots and a Hangover moment, then got limos over to Tao..
The front of Tao was so packed I thought the Jonas Brothers were doing a signing..but luckily our secret agent Donnie was waiting for us and he came up with the goods, before you could say “Wait a second, I think I’m a bit fuc..” we were in the club for our table next to Rogue715’s bachelorette party.
Ever wondered what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object?
Well that happened when these two groups combined...pure carnage. Boundaries were dropped between the groups as quickly as red ropes and before long the bachelor and bachelorette were doing the kind of dances on each other that I’ve only seen in rap videos. In short, these girls were absolute legends, great gals, great gals. One person in our group had to provide an intimate lapdance to the bride-to-be, certain people got to know others VERY well, one of the bachelorette party got so excited she was sick all over their sofa...generally it was all my favourite kinds of wrongness..
..Things get a bit blurry but at one stage I remember crawling around our area looking for my jacket..and waistcoat...and tie..and shirt buttons..and belt. We kept on hitting it hard and were generally loving Tao. It’s a superb club with a great dancefloor. I feel off a stage towards the end and we shut the place down, but not before paying the bouncers to let us take a couple of bottles of vodka out with us, a nice deal when you’ve just dropped $3k on bottle service.
We sat in the casino for a few hours talking about god-knows-what, except the subject that was clearly on everyone’s mind...the Royal wedding of course. Then we all shook hands and went our different ways into the sunlight..
..back to the Hard Rock Hotel, where it was a great idea to hit the casino! A few vodka redbulls and falling off a chair later I was up about $250. I went for a shower before hitting the shops, except I passed out in the shower and pulled the curtain down..imagine a scene from Psycho but with more vodka and less blood. But we were British, damn it, and we weren’t going to let a brain injury stop us so it was off to Ceasers Forum shops.
A bit of shopping later and I realised I’d been walking around with one shoe so it was probably time to go home. We stepped out onto the strip for our one and only time we would be there in daylight on our whole trip – it looked like a metropolis of shimmering sin in the sunlight, and it felt like home. But anyway, we were in a rush to get back ..we had Tao Beach to get to. .
So here it is, hope you enjoy the report from the English bachelor party. Since we didn’t really have any division between the day and night I’ve just split it into different parts. Sorry if it’s too long (never said that before..), or for any dyslexic mistakes.
Part One – I Gotta Feeling..
“Are you in Las Vegas for business or pleasure?”, asked the lady at the immigration desk.
“Pleasure”, I respond, giving her a cheeky wink.
She doesn’t wink back.
As I sat in the limo to the Hard Rock Hotel, I sipped my champagne and looked across at the wolfpack of 12 under my command. For many of them this was their first tour of duty and I could see the fear and excitement in their eyes. The bachelor was mumbling something about jetlag and early nights, but a Jaegermeister waterboarding session on the limo floor soon shut him up.
After a 10 hour flight consisting of drinking the bar dry, we were in high spirits when we arrived and slipped the receptionist a $40 dollar sandwich. But she promptly pissed on our fireworks when she said “Thanks guys, that’s so sweet”, didn’t give us an upgrade and kept the money! I got the grief for this from my guys but took it on the chin, we were in celebrity suites anyway so it wasn’t too bad..
Now I know the Hard Rock gets a bad rep but I personally love it. It’s smaller, but everyone is there to get messed up and I always love the vibe. No kids are going to cry that I’ve spilt drink on their heads and no grannies are going to wet themselves on me, it’s designed to be a party hotel and it really cuts the mustard (and ..OMG..like..the Britney outfits were to DIE for!). Our rooms were pretty awesome with a big living area, a bar and a great view of the pool and strip. So we got showered, splashed on the sex panther, cracked open a few of the 24 litre bottles of Moet we had bought and proceeded to turn it up a notch. I also had a sandwich..this was the last food I was to eat all trip.
We went to a bar at the top of the Mandalay Bay for some shots and a Hangover moment, then got limos over to Tao..
The front of Tao was so packed I thought the Jonas Brothers were doing a signing..but luckily our secret agent Donnie was waiting for us and he came up with the goods, before you could say “Wait a second, I think I’m a bit fuc..” we were in the club for our table next to Rogue715’s bachelorette party.
Ever wondered what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object?
Well that happened when these two groups combined...pure carnage. Boundaries were dropped between the groups as quickly as red ropes and before long the bachelor and bachelorette were doing the kind of dances on each other that I’ve only seen in rap videos. In short, these girls were absolute legends, great gals, great gals. One person in our group had to provide an intimate lapdance to the bride-to-be, certain people got to know others VERY well, one of the bachelorette party got so excited she was sick all over their sofa...generally it was all my favourite kinds of wrongness..
..Things get a bit blurry but at one stage I remember crawling around our area looking for my jacket..and waistcoat...and tie..and shirt buttons..and belt. We kept on hitting it hard and were generally loving Tao. It’s a superb club with a great dancefloor. I feel off a stage towards the end and we shut the place down, but not before paying the bouncers to let us take a couple of bottles of vodka out with us, a nice deal when you’ve just dropped $3k on bottle service.
We sat in the casino for a few hours talking about god-knows-what, except the subject that was clearly on everyone’s mind...the Royal wedding of course. Then we all shook hands and went our different ways into the sunlight..
..back to the Hard Rock Hotel, where it was a great idea to hit the casino! A few vodka redbulls and falling off a chair later I was up about $250. I went for a shower before hitting the shops, except I passed out in the shower and pulled the curtain down..imagine a scene from Psycho but with more vodka and less blood. But we were British, damn it, and we weren’t going to let a brain injury stop us so it was off to Ceasers Forum shops.
A bit of shopping later and I realised I’d been walking around with one shoe so it was probably time to go home. We stepped out onto the strip for our one and only time we would be there in daylight on our whole trip – it looked like a metropolis of shimmering sin in the sunlight, and it felt like home. But anyway, we were in a rush to get back ..we had Tao Beach to get to. .
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