Vintage TR - Worst Trip Ever

[Tara Denise]

Well, there aren't a lot of TRs, and I'm mega jet-lagged aka awake at ridiculous hours. So here we go!

My worst trip to Las Vegas ever....bka why I am always in charge of vacation plans now. I usually try to nickname people and leave out pictures with faces, but I don't speak to most of these people anymore so- no protecting the guilty!


The characters

The high school contingent:

Alexis and Cassady, my other two musketeers


The Wyoming friends, group 1:

Robbin- ten years older than me, still cute in spite of years of hard partying taking its toll on her, mostly skates by on the tits that some old man bought her for her 19th birthday

Kim- I had met Kim exactly once at this point. Robbin brought her to Denver for her "40th" (but really 45th) birthday one weekend. She was a haggard, insecure mess the whole weekend, and coke raging out of her mind. Oh she also accused me of stealing cash from her (cash that she forgot she spent on coke and Molly). And did I mention haggard? Yeah. She's very much in The Shelly Galesby Zone of the hot/crazy scale.

Marcia- married mom of 2 in her late 30s, cute, but walking around on crutches and not used to staying out past 9 PM.


The Wyoming friends, group 2:

Holly- fun, blonde, a little bit full of herself, overall a good time

Amy- friend of Holly's who I hadn't met, the general consensus is that she's slutty and desperate, she's brunette and ok looking

Melissa- cute blonde with a long term boyfriend that she never stops talking about

Stephanie- friend of Amy's who lives in Vegas with her asshole husband and their daughter and is trying to become a hairstylist.

A bunch of guys- apparently they're paying for rooms at The Palms



Before the trip, so very many red flags....

Alexis got engaged, so Cassady and I decide to plan a small trip to Vegas to celebrate. Once we have dates set, turns out it also falls on my birthday weekend. This is great because Robbin will be going to Vegas with a group of women for HER birthday (which is the day after mine). Also in Vegas at the same time? Holly! She's with some of her Wyoming friends who I haven't met, but she complains about all the time. I'm looking forward to a good time. I had just gotten more serious with The Aussie (now my husband), but I always enjoy playing wing woman for my single friends.

Robbin and the Cokeheads are all staying at Imperial Palace. Holly and the Desperation Nation are at the Palms. Neither of those sound ideal to me. I book a Go Deluxe at the Flamingo, figuring it's central and still cheap enough that I don't have to go broke while hounding Cassady and Alexis for money (I love them, but they are those friends that will take twenty years to give me five dollars unless I ask every ten minutes).

Suddenly, one month before the trip, Robbin has a boyfriend named *****! Who is insisting on tagging along! Ugggh! She brags a lot about how he has money, so I think maybe he will at least buy us bottle service or cabanas or something. He does upgrade them to a Love Tub room at the IP.......lol. Robbin is also talking a big game about how she thinks he's going to propose on this trip, quits her job and sells her house to prepare for a move to California with him.

And even more suddenly, Alexis elopes to Jamaica! So now she can't make the trip. After many many many hemming and hawing phone calls from Cassady, it finally boils down to her being out as well. Robbin offers a spot in their room at Imperial Palace....I decline. Holly says since it's just me, I can stay with her group at the Palms. I'd rather not be that far away, but who wants to stay in a hotel alone? I agree to this plan.

[Tara Denise]

Happy Birthday!!!

My flight arrives on time and my driver picks me up at baggage claim. Apparently, they were out of cars and SUVs, because he walks me and my luggage to a stretch limo. He's really nice and we chat the whole way there. It's enough to keep my mood up as I realize exactly how far away The Palms is.

Holly texts me that they'll be later than planned because they've booked a limo tour of the strip immediately upon their arrival. And also, their plane is delayed.....because of Kim.

Let me explain- they are ALL flying on the same flight out of Casper, Wyoming. There is one direct flight to Las Vegas from there on Friday. It's a small plane, obviously, so it's pretty much just Holly and her friends with Robbin and her friends. However, Kim has failed to purchase a plane ticket. And she arrived to the airport and was shocked and appalled that the price to buy a ticket for a flight that leaves that afternoon would be higher than the advance price. So she is raging out at the airport and some friend of hers is on the way with cash to buy the ticket. And the airline....decided to wait? Oh Wyoming.

I can't check in because my name isn't on either of the rooms. So I sit down to have a couple of drinks. The bartender cards me, and notes that it is, in fact, my birthday. He assumes I am alone in Las Vegas for my birthday, gives me the most pitying look I think I've ever seen, and puts a double shot into my margarita.

Everyone finally arrives, we check in and go up to the room. We order room service and start the process of getting ready. For my birthday night, I want to go to XS. It takes a very very long time for everyone to get dressed. Melissa literally does not own a "going out" dress of her own, and it didn't occur to her to buy any. She actually ends up wearing extra stuff I brought all weekend. And Amy insists on Stephanie doing her hair, which somehow means spending two hours watching her put it into a ponytail.

We finally leave! The guys aren't clubbing that night, so it's just us five splitting cabs. I text Robbin, but it seems that *****, the boyfriend, got completely wasted at the Rockhouse Bar, and is sick. So they are all staying in.

We get to Wynn, go to XS, and....I am the only one who came prepared with money. Apparently, the girls planned on just getting in for free and getting guys to buy their drinks. Um...what. They have "emergency cash" on them but that is it. I pay for their cover so that they'll at least have cash on hand to get home if they end up stranded.

XS is quite beautiful. I don't love the music, but figure I'll make the best of it, and we go to the bar. I buy a drink while the other girls troll around for marks. They find a bachelor party at a crappy table. Great. There is not enough room for us to all sit down. Even better. I stand there, sipping my drink, as random dudes wander by and either comment on my height or my hair. Ugh. I keep buying my own drinks because I really do not want to be there. Eventually, the well here runs dry, so we move on towards the dance floor. I'm crabby, I don't like the music, and the girls are the sloppiest dancers I've ever seen. Melissa basically just humps the leg of any guy she sees, and Amy and Stephanie somehow manage to make "oooh we might be lesbians" dance moves completely unsexy.

We somehow lose Melissa, and she's not responding to any text messages, so we take a bathroom break so that Amy and Holly can call her.

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She's outside with some guy by the pool. We go find them, and after saying hello, this is literally the conversation:

Guy: "So why are you ladies out tonight?"
Melissa: (points to me) "It's her birthday!" (I smile and wave)
Guy: "Oh yeah? How old are you?"
Me: "24"
Guy: "Jesus! How's your old crusty vagina doing then?"
Me: "I think it's best if you walk away and rethink your bullshit non-game, dude."
Guy: "Awww, man! Why you gotta go all angry like that? Melissa, you coming?"
Melissa: "...I'm 26. Ass."

WHAAATTT the hell? Lol

So then it's basically forty five minutes of the girls soaking their feet in the pool and having a photo shoot. It's not fun, in spite of all the "OMG WE ARE SO FUN AND SPONTANEOUS!" faces they make in every picture.

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We leave. The cab line is soooooooo long! Once we are in a car, Melissa starts sobbing about how she loves her boyfriend so much. She calls him and talks in a baby voice. I'm not drunk enough, so when everyone else goes to bed, I wander up to Ghostbar. Lol I talk to some random group of girls (I swear, something about me just calls out to large packs of drunken girls. I think they all secretly want a sassy black friend). So we have some drinks, then I head back to the room.

[Tara Denise]

Can we go now?

Saturday! I wake up at about 9 AM, tiptoe over all the dirty room service plates, get dressed and head downstairs. I buy myself breakfast and have a Bloody Mary, then walk around looking at the casino. Robbin texts me that they're awake and getting breakfast, then going to a pool. So I go back upstairs, grab a swimsuit, and leave to meet them. On the cab ride over, the driver is extremely curious about....my hair. I swear, it's like no one in all of Las vegas has ever seen black girl hair before lol. I make a mental note to flat iron it that night.

Robbin and co. are at the buffet. I'd hoped for Hash House A Go Go, but oh well. Sigh. I go in and have what's now my lunch. It is there that I'm informed they have a cabana......at the hotel pool.......at the Imperial Palace. And we are splitting the cost.

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It's exactly as glamorous as you would imagine. Basically we are sitting on Kmart chairs, under a Big Lots tent, looking at grotesque people swimming around in a hole in the pavement. And there are people outside of their rooms smoking right behind us. I drink as much as humanly possible until Holly texts me that she's with the girls shopping at Planet hollywood. I take my leave to go meet them.

They're hitting up all the important spots that you can't find anywhere else....like bebe and Victorias Secret. They explain to me that the guys have tables at Rain that night, so that's where we are all going. After they've finished shopping, we hop in a cab and go back to meet the guys at the pool at Palms. It's fun and relaxing and we find chairs by the water. Some girl in the chair next to me talks to me for awhile about how her friends keep ditching her to do boring stuff, so we exchange numbers with the intention to hang out later. She's pretty, so I'm thrilled that we can bring our group average up a little bit.

Now it's time for dinner! We all get dressed for the night, I flat iron my hair (and finish before Stephanie is done getting Amy's hair into another fancy ponytail), then we go to an Italian restaurant at New York New York (I don't remember the name). I have no idea why we are eating that far off property, only to head back to Rain, but I didn't make the plans. So we go and eat, it's fine. Amy's tits keep falling out of her dress, which the family next to us doesn't appreciate. When we're done, we go back to the hotel and pregame in the guys room for awhile. During that time, Melissa hits on every single guy in the room, and is turned down. And Stephanie is having some kind of elaborate argument with her husband, so she will need to stay with us that night. But eventually we are drunk enough that things are fun.

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We go to Rain. There is no wait, which is nice. It's very empty inside, but I think that's because we are early. As we are being walked to our table, Melissa detours to.....hump some random guy on the dance floor. Amy pulls her away and we go up to the worst table I've ever seen in my life. I announce that I have to use the restroom, and Holly comes with me. We are sitting in stalls next I each other and I just call out "Holly? Can we go now?" She says "oh my god, I was waiting on you to say that!" At this point, the girl from the pool that morning is texting me asking where we are so she can meet us, I tell her to meet us before we go to Moon. So we leave and go to Moon and have a great night while pretending we are in Rain and can't find the others.

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Ok, breakfast is calling! Stay tuned for Fremont Street, the strip club, and Amy thinking she started a relationship in Las Vegas because a guy shoved his hand inside of her at Carnival Court.

[*ho_train*]

Thanks for sharing! Can't wait to read the rest. I especially love this part...

"So then it's basically forty five minutes of the girls soaking their feet in the pool and having a photo shoot. It's not fun, in spite of all the "OMG WE ARE SO FUN AND SPONTANEOUS!" faces they make in every picture."

[BuckeyeFan]

Tara,
You're funny as hell lololol..thanks for the read.

[ecook0808]

Dear Lord am I ready for my trip Thursday. The Dream Team is back in full effect.

Looking at you Not a Vet But Not a Rook

[Tara Denise]

Yoooooo! You scuffed my Guccis!

I wake up early again, and go downstairs for breakfast and general wandering. Once everyone else wakes up, they come downstairs and have breakfast while I sip several Bloody Mary's. They're showing us pictures from the night before when we all "lost" each other.

It seems that Amy and Stephanie branched out on their own to bottle rat some Canadians. These guys managed to get them to leave with them, and go all the way to Carnival Court, but Amy was so blackout drunk that Stephanie decided it would be irresponsible to go back to their room with them. However, flipping through the pictures, I notice that the guy is REALLY feeling Amy up. Like...hand fully emerged in her vagina about half of the time. I point that out, and the girls laugh. Amy says she doesn't even remember any of that. Stephanie reminds her that they were actually asked to leave one bar because they were getting too obscene. I shrug and say "well...drunken hookups get crazy, I guess." Amy shakes her head "No no no! He wasn't drunk! He doesn't even drink, he's a total gentleman." While I'm throwing side-eye at THAT big ball of delusion, Stephanie chimes in "Oh he totally likes you! When I told him we were getting a cab and going home after you threw up again, he said he was gonna kick my ass!"


o_O

Apparently, this gentleman is taking Amy out to lunch later. And then coming out to PURE with us that night. And she doesn't plan on putting out because she's "not that kind of girl." Greaaaatttt. That's what I want to take to a club, a creepy, pervy, angry Canadian who has been working hard to get sex that isn't going to happen. *siiiggghhh*

Stephanie has to go home, Melissa wants to call her boyfriend, and Amy wants to sleep off her hangover. So Holly and I make plans to meet one of the guys at Caesars to walk around a bit and go shopping. Apparently this guy gambles a lot, so gets comps at Caesars, and decided to stay there instead of at the Palms with everyone else. I wonder out loud why we didn't make accommodations with him.

Caesars is fun, we lay around the Venus Pool for awhile, then walk around inside to look at the stores. It's here that we run into Kim and Marcia. Apparently the ended up at Studio 54 that night and had a blast. And that morning, at the breakfast buffet, ***** present Robbin with...a promise ring. Just what every 34-year-old single gal is looking for right after she quits her job and plans to move to a different state for you! HA! I tell her we are going to PURE that night and they should meet us there (seems easy enough, right? It's across the street from them. Spoiler alert: they never make it).

After lunch and a strange run in with three large Hispanic guys who are convinced that Chris stepped on their shoes and "scuffed their Guccis," Holly and I head back to The Palms. We end up having drinks by the swimming pool at Palms Place with Melissa. She talks for a solid hour about....how much she loves her boyfriend. Ok, girl. Whatever you say.

Amy is back from her romantic lunch (and I still cannot believe this guy is trying THIS HARD to get her to put out) and we all get dressed to go to Fremont Street for dinner, gambling, and the light show. It's very fun, I actually kind of learn how to play craps. Oh and Holly and I get carded. A LOT. No one else, just us two. It's very bizarre, but it figure at least that's confirmation that I'm not quite "old and crusty" yet.

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The guys decide they want to go to a strip club. I'm totally on board, and the other girls agree, so they call and the club sends a limo to get us. I'm very stoked about this- I really love going to strip clubs.
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[Tara Denise]

Are you ladies by yourselves?

We arrive and suddenly ALL three girls have a serious case of "stank face." We are seated and served drinks and they immediately begin commenting on how disgusting the club is (it's not), and how skanky the strippers are (they're actually pretty hot on average). The worst part is, since there's a fairly even girl to guy ratio, it looks like the guys brought their girlfriends along, so the dancers are keeping their distance. The poor guys look incredibly uncomfortable, because I guess they give a shit about these girls judging them for some reason. I finish my drink and tell the girls we should go. We go outside for a cab, and the ENTIRE drive back, they go on and on about how strip clubs are soooo degrading and dirty and blah blah blah. And Melissa is going on and on about how she would NEVER want her boyfriend going somewhere like that. I finally chime in: "That's funny how you don't trust him around a bunch of professionals doing their job, yet after two drinks, you'll dry hump any dick you see. And Amy, you JUST let a stranger give you a gyno exam in public last night- but those women are skanks? Were you guys seriously that shocked that there were girls getting naked at a STRIP CLUB? Where the hell did you think we were going? Stop being insecure bitches."

....it got a little quiet....

But of course, I am the only black person any of them has ever met (seriously), so that works in my favor here as none of them bother challenging me to my face. So everyone just talks about other stuff. Amy calls Stephanie to see where she is and if she's meeting us. She and her husband are headed home from dinner, and she will be at the hotel in about an hour.

We get to the hotel and start getting ready to go. An hour goes by, and there's no sign of Stephanie.....then another hour......finally, she calls Amy SOBBING. Apparently, Stephanie and her husband got into an argument on the way home and he threw her out of the car on the side of the road somewhere. So she is.....walking to The Palms? Ok.

Stephanie arrives and starts to do Amy's hair. I've been ready to go for three hours now, so I'm antsy. The Canadian guy shows up and the "Amy getting ready" process slows down even more. Holly and I decide to just leave already.

We get to PURE, and are let in quickly and for free (a nice ego boost, even if it was obviously because it wasn't very crowded). We head upstairs, grab drinks, and start dancing. About thirty minutes later, Stephanie and Melissa arrive. I wonder if Amy is finally screwing the Canadian (turns out she didn't, they just made out...lol poor guy). I get a text from Robbin that they aren't coming out, and at the same time Amy calls Melissa to ask her to come downstairs and help them get in (there is apparently a problem).

Melissa and Stephanie both go downstairs to retrieve Amy and the Canadian. Holly and I keep dancing, and suddenly a bouncer approaches us.
"Are you ladies by yourselves?"
"Um, no, were with friends."
"Is it just girls?"
"Yeah."

He gestures us to a table behind the ropes. VERY big ego boost.

Everyone else returns, and we explain the situation (aka "Amy, you can sit down with us, but the guy has to stay on the opposite side of the ropes."). We have a pretty good night overall. The group of guys next to us keep buying Holly drinks, and she's a very slow drinker so I just take most of them. At one point, some guy claiming he's a well-known DJ comes over to hit on her. Some gargoyle friend of his sits down and starts trying to wingman me, and I'm just not in the mood. I tell him flat out that his efforts aren't necessary. If Holly wants to get with his friend, I'm not gonna stop her. And if she doesn't, she is an adult and can say so herself. He keeps insisting that no, no, no, he wants to talk to me. "Even though I am absolutely not going to sleep with you?" Lol he leaves me alone and moves on to Melissa, who dirty dances with him for most of the night.

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The club closes,the Canadian goes to meet up with his friends, he and Amy exchange contact info. We drunkenly go get a cab. On the way I drunk dial The Aussie (it's a Monday for him and he is at work, but this is the first he's heard from me so he takes the call....vulgar and inappropriate hilarity ensues) and Melissa.......sobs about how much she loves her boyfriend. Once we get back to the hotel, I pretty much pass out asleep. There's apparently a lot of force feeding of room service pizza, and throwing up, but I miss all of it.

I wake up the next morning and go have breakfast, as usual. Everyone wakes up and after we put Stephanie in a cab to go to her sister-in-law's house, we all leave for the airport. My flight isn't until three, but they are ALL on the same flight back to Wyoming, so I just catch a ride with them and kill time in the airport as I vow to never ever ever do that again. Ever.

[Tara Denise]

Epilogue

In case you're wondering what happened to everyone...

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Holly- lives in Denver, dating a very very annoying guy because she's panicking about not being married yet.

Melissa- got knocked up about a month after this trip, so was married by Labor Day. No word on whether or not her groom was allowed to have a stripper at his bachelor party.

Amy- seriously thought she was going to date the Canadian. Referred to him as her boyfriend and kept trying to get him to come visit. They did meet up for Halloween. He paid for a room for her and a friend (originally requested holly, but ended up with someone more dumpy and desperate), so he and his buddy finally got some ass out of this entire ordeal. He stopped speaking to her immediately after. She's now married and living in Montana with a "bodybuilder." (Aka an unemployed guy who works out a lot)

Stephanie- divorced and living in Wyoming with her mom and her daughter, works at Macys, still trying to finish her cosmetology hours


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Robbin- lived in California with ***** for about two months before she realized he was in no rush to marry her. It ended dramatically, and they both have restraining orders against one another. She pawned the promise ring and used the money to buy drugs

Kim- um...still in Wyoming...I think she has a prison boyfriend/pen pal these days

Marcia- still in Wyoming, not speaking to Robbin anymore, mostly hangs out with Kim.


And I still have giant hair, am still a bitchy lush, still with The Aussie and always in charge of planning vacations. Lol also Holly is the only one I speak to these days.
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Counting the days until July!! Ugh, I may have to just make an impromptu trip earlier in the summer once we're living in LA.

[headstrong]

Great read, especially in this drought of TR's!

[dnix]

lol...Nice TR

[ARB]

o_O

Apparently, this gentleman is taking Amy out to lunch later. And then coming out to PURE with us that night. And she doesn't plan on putting out because she's "not that kind of girl." Greaaaatttt. That's what I want to take to a club, a creepy, pervy, angry Canadian who has been working hard to get sex that isn't going to happen. *siiiggghhh*



[ATTACH=CONFIG]2377[/ATTACH]

The guys decide they want to go to a strip club. I'm totally on board, and the other girls agree, so they call and the club sends a limo to get us. I'm very stoked about this- I really love going to strip clubs.
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2378[/ATTACH]
[ATTACH=CONFIG]2379[/ATTACH]

As a Canadian man, I appreciate your candid honesty of the male psyche while in Las Vegas. You got it!

[kman90]

Fuck that...Tara I'm hiring you to do my TR's from now on
Great filler until the current 2014 TR's come rollin in!

[BBB]

This is one of the best TR's I've read. Love it.

[Tara Denise]

As a Canadian man, I appreciate your candid honesty of the male psyche while in Las Vegas. You got it!

lol I see no shame in it, really. I am an advocate of (safe) casual sex, I just hate the games that go on. Fuck or don't, but stop wasting everyone's time!! And girls have got to stop being so dumb "oooh I really think this guy likes me!" No, honey. Just...no. He likes that your tits are out and you let him out his hand inside of you within an hour of meeting. -_-

I miss my college roommate, she was fantastically slutty, easygoing, and the perfect partner in crime! But now she can't leave the state of New York....so......oops.