Vegas Trip 4

[DizziD]

Part 1

Background:
So I posted a few years back: http://forums.jackcolton.com/showthread.php?t=3189

I meant to add this one awhile back, but didn’t have time.

Fast forward to 2012 – I went back to school and am perpetually broke. Finishing a Bachelor’s at 27 with plans to go straight into a Master’s program produces a much different person than the 25 year old who called Vegas “Mecca” so this trip was different.

Characters - me, my friend Dani from the previous trip and Ivan - Dani's "friend".

Jan 26 – sitting on the couch somewhere on the East Coast, 2 hours from DC and preparing for Spanish/Statistics/IR exams….my phone rings, it’s Danielle. We’re still friends but more of a I talk to you once every six months for two hours kind of friend. I immediately answer because I’m afraid something is wrong.

Dani: D, I have to ask you a question
Me: okay? (in my head I’m thinking, isn’t this what texts are for?)
Dani: how do you feel about party buses in Vegas? For $80 a bus takes you to three different clubs?
Me: silence
Dani: be honest, tell me if you think that’s a good plan.
Me: well honestly no because as a girl you shouldn’t pay to get in any clubs and cabs are a $5-7 ride split 2-4 ways, so no, I would not pay that.
Dani (now screaming): SEE I TOLD YOU IT WAS A BAD IDEA! I am NOT going to Las Vegas unless she comes with me!!!!!!
Me: what?!?!
Man on the phone: Danielle, calm down, ask her if she can come for the weekend and we’ll figure it out from there
Me: whaaaaat?!?!?
Dani: can you PLEASE come to Vegas next weekend? My friend (Ivan)’s friend is having a 40th birthday and I don’t know anyone but Ivan and I know they are going to do Vegas all wrong plus everyone is going to be 8-10 years older and I don’t know them and I can’t go to Las Vegas without you.
Me: uhhhh, you know I’m a BROKE college student right? I can’t ball like that anymore….
Dani: Ivan is going to pay for you. RIGHT IVAN?!?! RIGHT?!?! YOU’RE GOING TO PAY FOR HER RIGHT?!?!?
Ivan: I don’t know….
Me: ummm I don’t know that I should be on the phone for this
Dani: SHUT UP DANA! IVAN I SWEAR TO GOD YOU WILL NOT GET ANY IF SHE DOESN’T COME
Me: silence
Ivan: okay
Me:silence
Dani: YAAAAY

Within the next 36 hours a plane ticket is emailed to me in my name. I’m going to Vegas…who let the girls out, let’s get ready to rumble, oooh sometimes i get a good feelin etc

So now because I’ve been nerding out for the last 18 months I freak out morphing back into a party girl. The next 4 days are a whirlwind of hair, nails, party dresses, waxing and a legit juice diet

Tuesday before we leave I get a call from Dani asking how I’m getting to the airport. I told her I HAD to go to class but would leave University by 12, to make it to DC by 145 to make it to the airport by 3 for a 5pm flight. I don’t want to deal with my car so I’ll just take a $20 cab from my mom’s house….she asks if she can meet at my mom’s and we go to the airport together. I agree but ask why Ivan isn’t taking her? She says he has a ride…I ask if he can’t grab us too? She says “no, his wife doesn’t know about us”. I LOSE my shit. Going back to school, studying what I do, getting older, I have become almost disgustingly straight edge. You mean we’re going to LAS VEGAS with a MARRIED MAN whom you’ve implied you will sleep with for my plane ticket?!?! This by the way is OBVIOUOS forshadowing

Day/Night 1:
Everyone makes it to the airport, despite Dani having a flat tire and having to cab it by herself AND leaving her $1k+ makeup/jewelry box IN the cab and having to track it down…
At the airpot, Ivan buys us a “we’re going to Vegas drink” and dinner. We fly to Milwaukee for a 30 minute layover. Sitting on the tarmac, awaiting take off, my phone buzzes, I have an email. From a well ranked, very well known school…I need to check the status of my online application. I am now SHAKING because this is the first decision back from 5 schools I applied to…4 years of complete transformation, community college, college, retired party girl…everything is riding on this email. I check my portal, CONGRATULATIONS, you have been accepted to ______ University, PhD program, FULL RIDE”. I am trying not to completely lose it on the plane but I am completely overwhelmed. Dani and Ivan are sitting 10 rows back because my flight was booked so late so I jump up to tell her and call my mother. This all goes down in less than 3 minutes before I have to turn the phone off. I am now openly crying and the poor bastard next to me has to console me…this lasts for about thirty minutes before the guys sitting across the row were like “eff crying girl, we’re gonna get you drunk cuz we’re going to Vegas and you’re going to be a doctor”.

I like to think this is where the trip went from “Going to Vegas for a friend of a friend of a friend’s birthday to celebrating ME being awesome”.

Night 1 – arriving in Vegas…at a TIMESHARE. Dani and I are pissed as hell, we are NOT staying 2 blocks off the strip bc Ivan is a cheap bastard and has “points”. We get dressed while Dani curses and I passive aggressively sulk while he is on the phone trying to explain to SOMEONE that he JUST got to Vegas and called IMMEADIATELY – guess the wife is keeping close tabs... We make it to the club his friends have a table at…Luxor. Seriously. Ivan buys us lots of drinks, eventually we dance and then Dani and I make it known that we are going to Caesar’s. I still have contacts from 2 years ago who are more than happy to help us out.

Ivan’s friends are tired and don’t want to travel…fine, see you suckers later – NOT. We go to Caesar’s, we dance and dance and drink and drink. Around 4am we make it to Denny’s and then faceplant in bed.

Day2/Night 2

We are staying off the strip in a very nice 2 bedroom timeshare…except it’s a piece of shit cuz we’re in Vegas and this is NOT how we do.

I roll over around 8am –it’s Vegas, we have drinks to drink except I feel like hell. Dani is not in our room…she comes in a little later, giggling, swearing to God she slept in the room with me…not with the married man. Whatever. So I tell her I need to eat, I’m also still pissy about this timeshare. So is she. We set off with Ivan to find food and can’t. There is NO WHERE in this “resort” to get a mimosa and some effing eggs. I go back to bed and can’t get up, Dani is pissed and continues to berate Ivan for being a cheap bastard telling him this is UNACCEPTABLE. After about 2 hours of this shit show, Ivan asks if one of us will find a cheap room on the strip and put in on our card if he gives us the cash, he can’t leave a paper trail because him and the wife are on the phone yelling every 30-45 minutes…

Now, I want to feel bad that this bastard has bought a plane ticket, dinners, drinks etc but I don’t. Neither does Dani, call a cab we’re moving to the strip…drumroll please: EXCALIBUR. Whatever, we’re on the strip.

As we check in, Ivan says he wants a roomkey, I freak out. No. You’re an effing creeper and just bc my friend is screwing you doesn’t mean I will or am even comfortable having you touch me…hand on back…creeper. So this sets off an argument. I hate arguing/debating with people. I am the youngest child in my family…I will ALWAYS get my way, just give in and make it easier. I’m only slightly joking
Ivan finally agrees, pissilily that even though he paid for the room he does NOT have the right to enter when he pleases.

We get settled, we eat, he FINALLY leaves us alone so we can have girl time. We drink at some southern rock bar for a couple of hours and catch up. This is where Dani confesses that the woman on the phone screaming at Ivan isn’t his wife…it’s his girlfriend. This dude has a WIFE, a GIRLFRIEND and a MISTRESS/Dani. The girlfriend is PISSED that he brought Dani to Vegas and is threatening to tell his wife (more foreshadowing). We keep drinking, she tells me she doesn’t like him but she really wanted to come to Vegas. I explain to her the basic principles of prostitution. We keep drinking.

[DizziD]

Part 2:

Night 2
We then move over to Dick’s Last Resort…more drinking, more shenanigans. At 7pm I declare it’s naptime and that we need to go upstairs. Upon getting to the room we both realized we are TRASHED. We lay down until 9, get up, get dressed, try to pull it together. While we’re getting it together, I go back down to the Dixie bar to get us drinks…I had these crazy 2 for 1 coupons…we finally leave and cab over to Caesar’s where we are SUPPOSED to meet Ivan’s friends…Pussycat Doll’s Lounge is the last place they are going to.

We get there, we make friends with the bartender and smile very prettily at him for about an hour as he continues to pour goose into our cups for a very reduced price. At this point, Dani decides she CAN NOT wear her shoes for another second. She BEGS me to go find her some flipflops…off I go, drunkenly through Caesar’s to find her flipflops. I do, for $20, I come back, get searched by 3 bouncers and a guy who SAID he was a bouncer but wasn’t… We dance forever with the fake bouncer and his friends, wondering where Ivan’s group is…someone got confused, they aren’t coming to Caesar’s until much later. Fine. We’ll meet them BACK at Luxor. We get there, the bouncer wants us to pay $10, we refuse. Ivan comes out and we tell him that it’s the principal, we aren’t paying $10 to get in a shitty club. So we decide to call it a night. Kind of. Ivan and Dani attempt to find me food because it’s 2am and we haven’t eaten in 12 hours, just drank, napped and drank. No dice, the only thing open is McDonald’s which I refuse to eat. I tell them to go ahead back to the timeshare, I’m going to get food and go to sleep. I go to Dick’s the kitchen is closed, looks like I’m eating McDs. This is the world’s busiest McDonald’s…I eat a meal that I didn’t order with a very nice gentleman who was celebrating his birthday. He wants me to come to his room to drink “Ciroc” I explain I am not interested in roofie-coladas, we exchange numbers just in case…

I head back to Dick’s, now the BAR is closed. The door guy tells me about Drai’s but I can’t go there…I’m alone, I’m drunk and I’m alone. FINE, I’ll just sit at a casino bar and drink. I walk away and notice the guy who was also standing at the door of Dick’s is following me. I finally turn around and ask him if he’s going to buy me a drink? He agrees. We sit at a casino bar and start drinking. This guy’s name is Joe and in my head I’m thinking, that’s perfect…average Joe but in a pinch…whatever, I’m in Vegas, he’ll do. So we drink for a bit and talk. He’s in town for the UFC fight, I’m in town for a blha blah blah. Eventually he tells me it’s his birthday so I tell the bartender very loudly that “it’s my boy’s birthday!!! SHOTS!!” At this point, the guy standing next to me for the last 30 minutes with his back to me, turns around. He looks at me and I look at him and he smiles and says “you know it’s my birthday too”. He has an Australian accent. Average Joe feels he’s losing ground so he orders a round of shots. I’m drinking Citron on ice because, well, it’s Vegas and the boys are now also drinking Citron on ice to “keep up”. These two get into it…Aussie is a hunter, in town for the hunting convention as in he takes people out to hunt big game in Africa as in he’s actually a superhero with an accent. Average Joe has already admitted to being an insurance claims adjuster. Not really sure when or what happened but Aussie and I decided to call it a night. Together. Bye bye Joe. Thanks for playing.

We get upstairs, my phone is dead but that doesn’t deter me from becoming pretty acquainted with the Aussie.

Sidenote - when we got to his room, he actually DID have crap proving it was his birthday. I was very skeptical because 3 different guys had used that same line in less than 3 hours…

Day 3
Six hours later I wake up. I gather my clothes (dress on but underwear neatly folded in hand), shoes and dignity and walk back to my room. Except I have no idea where I am in the casino and am very lost. Wonderful little shame walk which gives me time to berate myself about personal responsibility and the like. I get to the room, plug my phone in and it immediately rings. Dani is FREAKING OUT! She’s been calling me since 2am – it’s been 8 hours, where the HELL have I been?!?! I moan into the phone that I’ve only had 2 hours of sleep, I’m in pain – literally and figuratively speaking. She point blank asks “did you get laid?” Yes. Then she demands that I meet her at Denny’s for breakfast. I can’t. I can barely walk, I’m ill, I’m maybe still drunk. She sulks that neither Ivan nor I will go eat with her. FINE. I’ll meet you at Denny’s in 15 minutes. I take the world’s fastest shower and put on sweats/tshirt. School colors. Kind of well known school – my final 4 tshirt attracts notice. Very nice gentleman in the elevator comments, we exchange numbers for later.
I make it to Denny’s via cab. For those of you who are unfamiliar - Denny's is ACROSS THE STREET FROM EXCALIBUR but I can't make it, I HAVE to taxi. I am HURTING as I wait for Dani. I strike up a conversation with an older gentleman sitting next to me.

Dani get’s there and we order a shit ton of food. I tell her about the Aussie and she’s like a HUNTER?!??! Yes, a hunter. A HUNTER?!?!? Yes, a hunter. At which point a group of men walk into Denny’s I kid you not, wearing “_____ HUNTING CLUB” tshirts. Story validated.

Her story of the night before is a little different. She slept with Ivan and feels terribly guilty because she HAS A BOYFRIEND. I am explain personal responsibility to her. We decide to go have a drink before our spa appointment.
We go back to the room, chill for a bit and hit the spa. 4 hours at the spa, wraps, massages, we are ready to start drinking. O'Shea's it is.

6pm. Ivan calls. He has to go home, he’s rescheduled his flight. His girlfriend called him, he got ten minutes into the conversation when his wife made it known that she was on the line as well. He got played by a 3way phone call. Bye bye Ivan, I hope I never see you again. Oh and thanks for the free trip

Night 3
Ivan had reservations at Craftsteak. Dani had cash from him. Thank you Ivan also for the $60 steak, it was effing DELISH as was the Golden Yukon Puree aka mashed potatoes.
Dude from the elevator hits me up. Sure, we’ll come to Caesar’s, we’re on a list there anyway. Caesar’s until 3. Elevator guy walks us to the room. Dani goes into the bathroom where she calls her boyfriend and cries for several hours. Apparently I am STILL without shame because Elevator Guy and I had no problem “exchanging information” as Dani sobbed in the bathroom.

Day 4 –
Hoooooooooooooome.

It’s the superbowl, we don’t give a crap. We are dehydrated, exhausted, worn and tattered.

Dear Las Veags, in the game of champions, you will always win and I love you for that alone. xoxo D.

[ccc]

The ish women can into in Vegas.

Awesome report.

[kman90]

Best damn TR ever!....especially given from a woman"s perspective!
Loved every word....more please!

Lemme get comfy & read it again.

[IRockNvegas]

Ivan sounds like a pussy , that guy put up with way too much attitude. I also bet u a million shots of Ciroc that Dani told him that he was in for a 3some if you came. Not a 3 way call lol. I give u all credit, u 2 are fun and sounds to me good at playing fools, I guess some guys just deserve it lol.

PS, any pics to share? haha

[astros148]

daymn lol wow

[matt1983]

A fantastic trip report, here.

[LuckyNum7th]

damn ordinary joe got jacked by the aussie..... interceptionnnnnnnnn *al micheals voice*

[Universal]

Great report!

[TheRealDonnyCordeiro]

Great Report... Nice to see the ladies tell the true Vegas stories.

[DizziD]

Irock – literally LOLed. You’re probably right about the 3some And you ARE right about him putting up with a LOT, you have no idea! Dani and I can both be UBER bitches when we want and that’s pretty much how it went down. Creeper Ivan was such a creeper I had to keep making it CLEAR that I was not part of the deal. I’m sure he thought because he’d thrown down SO much money I would be obligatorily impressed into screwing him. I was not. Also, I feel like I’m a little old to be having sex with anyone for any reason other than pleasure… ALSO, Dani told him before he paid for my ticket that he would either LOVE me or HATE me, no middle ground.

Notes:
Last time I went to Vegas I had a serious schedule including excel spreadsheet attachments. This time I hit up two promoters (including one of Chris Hornak’s guys) and just let them know when I’d be there. This worked very well. Other than that, I mainly played everything by ear because 1. I spent about $60 on the weekend and 2. I didn’t have time to spend 6 hours per day planning for six months. At one point, Dani commended me on being so relaxed…

I only puked once this time, I’d like to think because I only drank Blue Moon/ShockTop and/or Citron/Goose.

Excalibur – a little old, a little shoddy but a good crowd if that makes sense. This was definitely a down grade and the worst aesthetically of Luxor, NYNY, MGM and TI but more fun than Luxor and NYNY, at least it was on the strip. The room was big, the casino bathrooms were nice and we had a lot of fun at Dick’s Last Resort.

The first time we went to Dick’s, Dani asked the bartender for a menu. He responded that it was posted across the bar, on the wall and since she walked in there, he was sure she could walk her ass over to look at it. Silence for about 10 seconds before he leaned in and whispered “have you been here before?” and we both shook our heads and he smiled and explained “our gag is that we’re deliberately mean to our customers…” oh. Okay. Good cuz I seriously thought Dani was about to cut him. At one point the DJ (overweight, over 40) did a legit striptease (complete with THONG) for some chick’s birthday. It was not pretty but probably the funniest thing we saw.

I felt like the entire weekend was even more of a sausage fest than normal – superbowl, UFC, car show and hunting convention. Men everywhere, literally.

Men things that work/I suggest:
Don’t use the birthday line unless it really IS your birthday. And it should come up in conversation, not be announced.

Don’t invite me to your room unless we’ve sat in a public place for at least 30 minutes to an hour or you’ve bought me two drinks. Who am I kidding? This is Vegas Congruently, I don’t care if this is Vegas, I’m still a lady until we’re actually IN your room. Remember that.

Take off your wedding ring if you’re trying to get laid.

MGM Craftsteak – I swore I’d never eat there after our shitty service on my friend’s 21st birthday 7 years ago but apparently everyone has a price…

Collectively, we gambled for less than ten minutes with $40 of Ivan’s money. We aren’t gamblers.

I took a couple of Xanax before the spa and couldn’t pull it together. After about an hour of dealing with me, Dani took 2 as well. I think that’s why the spa was SO wonderful.

[Senatordwill]

Über congratulations on getting a full ride to get your P h.d. That's an amazing accomplishment!

[Dynasty]

Great read....highly enjoyable and you were truthful thru it all

[Toronto]

Part 2:

I head back to Dick’s, now the BAR is closed. The door guy tells me about Drai’s but I can’t go there…I’m alone, I’m drunk and I’m alone. FINE, I’ll just sit at a casino bar and drink. I walk away and notice the guy who was also standing at the door of Dick’s is following me. I finally turn around and ask him if he’s going to buy me a drink? He agrees. We sit at a casino bar and start drinking. This guy’s name is Joe and in my head I’m thinking, that’s perfect…average Joe but in a pinch…whatever, I’m in Vegas, he’ll do. So we drink for a bit and talk. He’s in town for the UFC fight, I’m in town for a blha blah blah. Eventually he tells me it’s his birthday so I tell the bartender very loudly that “it’s my boy’s birthday!!! SHOTS!!” At this point, the guy standing next to me for the last 30 minutes with his back to me, turns around. He looks at me and I look at him and he smiles and says “you know it’s my birthday too”. He has an Australian accent. Average Joe feels he’s losing ground so he orders a round of shots. I’m drinking Citron on ice because, well, it’s Vegas and the boys are now also drinking Citron on ice to “keep up”. These two get into it…Aussie is a hunter, in town for the hunting convention as in he takes people out to hunt big game in Africa as in he’s actually a superhero with an accent. Average Joe has already admitted to being an insurance claims adjuster. Not really sure when or what happened but Aussie and I decided to call it a night. Together. Bye bye Joe. Thanks for playing.

.

First off, great trip report. We can never have enough of them on this forum, especially from the women. Secondly, I was laughing pretty hard about that average joe line. My name is Joseph, but I will NEVER introduce myself as Joe to women for that very reason. I thought at first it may just be in my head, but thanks for reaffirming this notion of thinking for me. Lastly, congrats on the full ride!

[Simkey]

Excellent Report!! Ivan got what he deserved!