Let's have a toast for the douchebags

[not a vet but no rookie]

A tale of alcoholism, gambling addictions, bad decisions, obnoxiousness, douchebaggery and debauchery

Set-Up – 7 guys staying in 2 connecting Bella Suites at Palazzo from July 1st to July 4th. 2 coming from ATL and the rest from Cali. Me, BG, Mike, Josh, V, Sam, and M. One room was me, BG, and Mike.

Disclaimer – I’m not really a douchebag or racist but I definitely can be a little crazy, especially in Vegas

Friday – After finally finishing moving I’m ready to get to Vegas and the day is just dragging on. Thankfully I got off early. We had some time to kill before our flight so me and BG drink some Four Loko while waiting for our ride to the airport. She ends up coming late and we get stuck in traffic and rush to only find out our flights are delayed. So we continue drinking and then go our separate ways. I was surrounded by old folks on my flight so I just go to sleep drunk and wake up in Vegas completely sober

Except for Sam (he came Sat) me and BG were the last ones there and the rest of the group had checked into one of the rooms and we checked into the other and it was on. We pre-game quickly and head over to Tao pretty early (around 1030) because me and Mike wanted to get our wristbands early and not have any issues. Turns out we have to wait in the same line as hotel guests. No issues getting the wristbands and BG has to pay $20 as a guest but gets a pass to Tao Beach as well.

After getting inside relatively fast we have some drinks at the downstairs bar before heading to make our rounds in the main room and the OPM



Tao was kinda empty at first but it was early so I wasn’t too worried. We leave to go gamble and drink some more and come back and it’s fuckin packed everywhere

Main room -

OPM room -

Although it’s packed I’m really having no luck with the females. I don’t know if it’s my inebriated state or my ADD but I cannot make anything happen in Tao. Nor can any of my boys haha.

Josh was having a good time with some chick in Tao but she was a klepto and got caught stealing drinks from someone’s table and they blamed Josh as well. They kicked him out and X’ed his stamp -

[not a vet but no rookie]

Me, BG, and Mike decide to leave Tao again because we suck at life when we finally run into some girls -

One of them was pretty cute but the other was not. I take the lead on the cute one while either Mike or BG takes the other one. We go back into Tao but it’s late so only the downstairs part is open and we just grab a drink at the bar. I convince the cute one to go upstairs to the room by offering more drinks. We start making out a little bit but she says “I’m not that type of girl”. I don’t give up hope but just play it smooth. Things get started again but her friend comes up to the room by herself and cock-blocks the hell out of me. She convinces her friend to leave and we say our goodbyes. I go downstairs to gamble and we see them chillin at some bar with a group of white guys. I just look at them and keep it moving (yes I was very salty haha).

Gambling is whatever so we head back to the room and I find this on the nightstand -

For some reason this makes me very angry and sets up the stage for my rants and douchebaggery the rest of the weekend. I keep it in my wallet as motivation for the rest of the weekend

[not a vet but no rookie]

Saturday – I fell asleep hungry waiting for the Grand Lux to open at Palazzo, completely forgetting the one at Venetian is 24 hrs. Me, Mike, and BG head down to one at Palazzo around 11 and grub hard on the buffet. This was not the best idea before Tao Beach but we really didn’t care.

We head over to Tao Beach around 12 and get in quickly with the wristbands. BG’s pass didn’t work but since we were guests he still got in free. Tao Beach wasn’t too crowded when we got in but it picked up really quickly. The frozen red bull pitchers were very clutch (good look Royale and Mikey T) and it was our type of party. The DJ played a lot of hip hop and Top 40 and got the crowd dougieing and doing the cat daddy - [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWZwLCKyR1Q."]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWZwLCKyR1Q.[/ame]

After that point we kept doing the cat daddy in the pool
Shawn Marion was there and tried to dougie but he was whack and got upstaged by some random black dude. As a Laker fan I def booed Marion haha. I have to admit though his swag was championship level though.

Nick Lachey was hosting so they played a 98 Degrees song which was pretty funny.

We met some Hispanic girls in the pool and chopped it up with them for a while. Mike ran point and talked to the cutest one who was probably a 7.5/8. The others weren’t even 7’s so while I engaged in convo I didn’t really try to make anything happen. After the last night I just wanted to have a good time with my boys and didn’t feel like hunting. I got really nice off those frozen red bulls and started to be all over the place. At this point Tao Beach became a blur. Made convos with anyone willing to listen especially at the bar. The funniest exchange was this white dude from SF who knew about Racks and started reciting Wiz Khalifa’s verse from the remix (dj played the original) - [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WJxeX9YKQA"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WJxeX9YKQA[/ame]

We leave Tao Beach around 4 and head back to the room to shower and we avoid the pitfall of taking naps. We decide to head over to TI to gamble because we’ve had good luck there on past trips and they have lower mins than Palazzo. I had lost $300 at Palazzo and Venetian the night before so I needed to relocate. We play blackjack in TI’s Gilley Girl’s Pit (http://www.gilleyslasvegas.com/girls#) and we have a really good time. We have 2 really good dealers, this white chick name Katherine I think and one that we nicknamed Cuban-A (she emphasized the A when I accidentally called her Cubano). Whenever we play blackjack we come up with a catch phrase whenever we win a hand. We somehow decided on Rick Ross’s “UGHN!”- http://www.complex.com/music/2011/06/rick-ross-soundboard and when went big on certain hands we would yell – “Big Black Nigga!” ([ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Wk8tNXt__s"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Wk8tNXt__s[/ame]) and once when went really big and won and yelled it and then Kat yelled “UGHN!” Good times

The rest of the crew never made it to Tao Beach because they starting charging guests. I didn’t have my phone so I didn’t have the contact info for Chris Traer at Tao.

After all the excitement I broke even for the day so I was still down. On the way out of TI, I’m pretty drunk and I run into this girl and immediately say wassup and put my arms around her. We talk while we walk back towards Palazzo and she’s in love with my eyes so she’s coming on strong but when we get under some light I realize that I can do better. My friends clown me for talking to this girl that was 35+ and definitely not a 7.

[not a vet but no rookie]

The rest of the crew goes to eat Maggiano’s but me, Mike, and BG were still stuffed from the buffet early so we just get ready and pre-game and then head over to Cosmo to hit up Marquee. At this point the obnoxiousness is really kicking in – while walking around Cosmo every time a <7 walks by I say “nay” loud enough for them to hear. When a ≥7 walks by I say “I do it” like Big Sean -[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzKIEmWlGP0"] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzKIEmWlGP0[/ame]. I told my friends my goal was to get slapped (I don’t know why, don’t ask)

We get to Marquee at different times and while Mike and BG went to eat at the secret pizza place before going inside. I immediately go to the tables outside which was a huge mistake. The min was $50 a hand and I lost 9 hands in a row, then pushed once and the dealer had the audacity to act happy for me, and then I lost again. $500 in 10 mins. Mike and BG come upstairs and see me sitting there dejected and I open up my wallet and all that is in there is this -

I give up on the tables for the rest of the night and we all decide to hit up the boom box room. At this point I am wasted and my judgment gets even worse. For some reason I become attached to this girl who can only be described as a blonde hippo -



I got dubbed the Zookeeper by Josh -

The only thing was that Josh told me this after the fact. In my mind I knew she wasn’t cute but I didn’t think she was that bad so I said fuck it. I reverted to my college days and started wilding out. I was picking her up on the dance floor and making out with her. I ended up fingering her on the dance floor. People were staring but I didn’t care.
I’m not sure what happened but we ended up going our separate ways which in the end was good for me because I would have hit and regretted it. Ran into Mike and we decided to bounce.

The cab line at Cosmo was ridiculous and I started getting irritated and belligerent. Then this hoodrat came in line and started snapping her fingers and yelling on the phone and for some reason I loudly exclaimed “And this is why I don’t date black women” and pointed at her. No idea why I said this because I actually love black women and most of the women I’ve dated have been black or mixed with black. I think I was still salty about the previous night.

We get back to Palazzo and find BG in the room asleep and everyone else is in the other room asleep as well. We talk shit about BG and then I stick my fingers in face (I hadn’t washed my hands after that incident at Marquee) and he’s actually awake and gets pissed off. I then realize my hand really does smell bad so I wash it for like 10 minutes.

[not a vet but no rookie]

Sunday – Everyone is pretty hungover so we sleep in a bit and end up deciding that we want to chill instead of hitting up EBC (not my decision but oh well). I see the pictures of the hippo from last night and delete them promptly. I then get into an argument with Josh and Mike about how she’s at least a 5 (to make myself feel better) but they settle on 4. Fucking disgrace

We head over to the mall by TI to eat at the food court and then we return to TI to go back to the Gilley Girls pit. Again it’s just the 3 muskeeters – me, BG, and Mike. We run into some of our favorite dealers from the day before but also run into a new dealer that takes the cake. She favors Marsha Thomason - - and has the accent to boot. She isn’t quite as cute and she has braces but she has a very fun personality. She teases me for not being able to understand her accent sometimes.

We continue the Rick Ross “UGHN!” from the day before and she starts doing it too but in a very sexy accent. Mike starts cheesing so far and that's when he falls in love. It had already been established by me that she wasn’t married but Mike still wanted to ask cheesy questions like “Did your boyfriend give you that necklace?”. Mike was in love and even nicknamed her Lil Z. Her shift was the roaming one which means she had to change tables very often, which meant we had to change tables very often. We could not get enough of her. My boys were up and I think I finally started to eat into my deficit.

We gambled there so long that we played through the t-storms and by the time we got back it was already time to get ready for XS. We all grabbed to go food from Grand Lux and then started getting ready. The rest of the crew was already at Wynn gambling and drinking and we met them over there. We got into the line for XS around 10/1015 and were near the front.

Again my apparent self-hate reappears; I see these two hoodrats looking crazy and I loudly announce “and that is why I don’t date black women. Exhibit A and Exhibit B. My girlfriend is only half black so she doesn’t count!” There are no black women in line close to us thankfully and everyone starts laughing. Yeah I think I was frustrated by not seeing attractive black women that weekend (never saw you VegasCherry : / lol ) but yea still pretty bad. Like I mentioned before the douchebaggery/obnoxiousness was at a high level, no wonder I had no success.

They opened at 1030 and we got in pretty quickly. Of course it was empty and the outside blackjack tables were closed so we decide to leave and go gamble for a couple hours. We hit up the Blackjack and Pai Gow tables at Wynn and we start making a killing at $50 a hand (fuck you Marquee! Haha). When it gets around 12 we head back to XS and the line is fuckin crazy. They changed up the re-entry line too so we actually have to wait about 10 mins to get back in.

We get back in and it is fuckin packed -

We finally make it outside and it’s still packed -

We end up chilling near the upstairs cabanas just scoping out the crowd and just catching our breath. We run into the girls from Tao Beach and talk a little bit but they want to go downstairs to get shots. Mike still has the cute one’s # so we expect him to run point but he doesn’t want to buy them drinks and we say we’ll catch up with them later. And by later I mean never. BG is upset because the birthday girl (not the cute one but still decent) was DTF but Mike couldn’t get her number from the cute one so BG was out of luck. Mike is no longer the PG.

We walk around some more downstairs and nothing too memorable happens except for these girls we run into.



They run up to V and w/o saying anything one of them just unbuttons his shirt and then says “you need to let loose”. I’m not sure what happened but we didn’t talk to them long and it probably was my fault. We leave XS around 330 or 4 and go eat at Zoozacrackers or whatever it’s called in the Wynn. Everyone else goes back to the room but I stay downstairs at Palazzo and gamble and continue to win more. After a few hours I’m actually even after being down $800+ at one point on Saturday night. I decide to quit while I’m even and head up to the room and crash.

Monday – Most of the crew leaves in the morning but me and BG have later flights. We go back to TI and look for Lil Z but the pit isn’t open on Mondays. We play some more Pai Gow and win a little bit and we both end up a little bit. Nothing else exciting happens and we head home. What a crazy trip.

[BigDex14]

Hahaha, this is sooner than I expected. Good TR so far man! I like your I clusion of links and photos haha

[not a vet but no rookie]

Hahaha, this is sooner than I expected. Good TR so far man! I like your I clusion of links and photos haha

Thanks bro. If I didn't do it now then it would never get done. Bout to send it to my boys to see if they have anything worthwhile to add or correct

[2MSR]

Good TR bro!

[DeX]

They run up to V and w/o saying anything one of them just unbuttons his shirt and then says “you need to let loose”.

that happened to me once...except it was a dude...and he didnt look anything like those girls.

edit: good tr btw. i love it when you guys include pics! sucks you didnt have any luck with the ladies...next time!

[Danny Vegas]

Very good TR, so much better when there are pics

[cm4short]

Awesome trip report. Excellent mood setter with the pics and especially the music clips. You've inspired me to finally write a TR.

[not a vet but no rookie]

They run up to V and w/o saying anything one of them just unbuttons his shirt and then says “you need to let loose”.

that happened to me once...except it was a dude...and he didnt look anything like those girls.

edit: good tr btw. i love it when you guys include pics! sucks you didnt have any luck with the ladies...next time!

Ehh I'm happy I didn't have any luck with some of the girls I talked to haha

Getting some really isn't a primary concern in Vegas. I go to Vegas for 3 main reasons

1) party in the best clubs in America - nightlife in other places just isn't the same

2) gamble - I've gambled plenty of places but I always have the most fun in Vegas. The most table games and options as well as fun dealers

3) meet up and kick it with my close friends - most still live in Cali while I'm on the other side of country

Obviously trips can be enhanced by getting some but it's just secondary

[scooner]

They run up to V and w/o saying anything one of them just unbuttons his shirt and then says “you need to let loose”.

that happened to me once...except it was a dude...and he didnt look anything like those girls.

edit: good tr btw. i love it when you guys include pics! sucks you didnt have any luck with the ladies...next time!

Ehh I'm happy I didn't have any luck with some of the girls I talked to haha

Getting some really isn't a primary concern in Vegas. I go to Vegas for 3 main reasons

1) party in the best clubs in America - nightlife in other places just isn't the same

2) gamble - I've gambled plenty of places but I always have the most fun in Vegas. The most table games and options as well as fun dealers

3) meet up and kick it with my close friends - most still live in Cali while I'm on the other side of country

Obviously trips can be enhanced by getting some but it's just secondary

that pretty much sums it. getting laid dosent make or break my vacay like it did when i was younger. if it happens, it happens, but now its all about having a good time. good TR btw. props!

[not a vet but no rookie]

that happened to me once...except it was a dude...and he didnt look anything like those girls.

edit: good tr btw. i love it when you guys include pics! sucks you didnt have any luck with the ladies...next time!

Ehh I'm happy I didn't have any luck with some of the girls I talked to haha

Getting some really isn't a primary concern in Vegas. I go to Vegas for 3 main reasons

1) party in the best clubs in America - nightlife in other places just isn't the same

2) gamble - I've gambled plenty of places but I always have the most fun in Vegas. The most table games and options as well as fun dealers

3) meet up and kick it with my close friends - most still live in Cali while I'm on the other side of country

Obviously trips can be enhanced by getting some but it's just secondary

that pretty much sums it. getting laid dosent make or break my vacay like it did when i was younger. if it happens, it happens, but now its all about having a good time. good TR btw. props!

especially in Vegas.

getting laid on my SJ trip definitely made a big difference because the day/nightlife was just ok