On the morning of December 18th, three adventurous, very thirsty individuals departed from Winnipeg, Manitoba (a.k.a. The ‘Peg City / Slurpee Capital of the World / Murder Capital of Canada 2008) to begin their journey to Las Vegas, Nevada.
First stop: Grand Forks, North Dakota. Being TJ’s first official venture onto US soil, a pit-stop was made to allow for his first (and almost last) taste of fine American cuisine, a.k.a. Hardee’s. Apparently, TJ was not very nice to his burger as it tried to suffocate him... Neither swigs of Cherry Coke nor laughing at his state of asphyxiation helped relinquish the Burger’s deathly grip. Fortunately, sometime between Grand Forks and Fargo (roughly an hour drive), the Burger gave up, and TJ could breathe again.
To kill time before the 6:55 pm flight out of Fargo, a unanimous decision was made to stop at West Acres Mall for some quick ‘shopping’. My idea of shopping was to find a pair of last-minute flat shoes while the boys thought more along the lines of alcohol. Apparently their 32 oz. beer(s) at Grizzly’s were quite amazing because they couldn’t stop gushing about them on the way to the airport. Even though Vegas was at least another 8 hours away, it was Go Time.
After checking-in at the Hector International Airport in Fargo, a beeline was made to the bar for more drinks. Prior to boarding the plane for Minneapolis, a Delta worker told me I had to check my carry-on since the plane was so small. (Note: The carry-on contained all items I purposely did not want to pack in my suitcase because Corye warned me of what Carrot Top had to say about Delta;
“Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive.”) Roughly 40 minutes later, we landed in Minne. The boys took off down the corridor as I waited behind for my carry-on to be retrieved from beneath the plane. Low and behold, the airline informed me they would not be returning it to me at that time as the tag had fallen off during the flight. They said it would be waiting for me in Las Vegas. So the three of us were off again to regain the buzz previously started in Fargo – this time, drinks at the Chili’s Too – not recommended. Slightly buzzed and itching to get the party started, we hopped on our next flight that would be taking us to Vegas.
We landed in Vegas sometime after 11:00 pm and made our way to the luggage carousel in McCarran. While waiting, Corye thought it would be a great idea to start the bets immediately... The last person's luggage to come off the belt had to buy the first round. When the bags finally came around, it was Corye, TJ, and lastly, me. As if the burn of losing the first bet wasn’t enough, my carry-on was MIA. We waited for quite awhile and then the next flight’s luggage began to go around so we were off to the Delta desk to see what was going on. Here, I had the privilege of arguing with one of their employees for almost an hour. Eventually she told me that my carry-on was still on the plane and it was already on its way back to Minne. Definition: Clusterfuck. Sobered up and partially luggage-less, we couldn’t wait to get out of the airport and get to Mandalay Bay.
Determined to not let what happened thus far discourage us, we were going to get our damn room upgrades! Corye and I quickly assembled our ‘Sandwiches’ prior to checking-in at the hotel. TJ decided he was going to watch and learn the tricks of the trade first before making any attempts himself.
Batter up: Corye. $20 Sandwich, male clerk, no dice – Strike 1.
Next to bat: Nikki. $20 Sandwich, female clerk, no dice – Strike 2.
Last batter: TJ. No Sandwich as the other two failed miserably – Strike 3.
“YOU’RE OUTTA THERE!”
At this point, it’s probably after 1 am, so we decide to unload our stuff in our rooms and meet back downstairs. Since we’re off to such a great start already, it’s time to get serious with the drinks. True to my word, I dutifully paid for what was the first round of drinks for the guys: Four Lokos. It was at this time the cashier advised them to return in the morning to ensure her that they were still alive. Next, we were in search for the predestined Fat Tuesday’s. It was there that we met, Nephew, whose genuine awesome demeanour was proven by the free shots of Everclear he provided us. Class act. Feeling fine, due in part to the 4 Lokos and Octane 190s, we made our way down the Strip. Weaving in and out of casinos, we ultimately stopped outside of Aria to take up some leisurely fishing.
Since the fish weren’t biting, we were off once again, but not before an impromptu dance-off (Corye vs. TJ) erupted right there on the sidewalk. The great debate of winner of The Worm Battle Las Vegas 2010 still wages on.
The next stop on the tour was the newly-opened Cosmopolitan. This place is absolutely stunning. I was really impressed with The Chandelier.
As amazing as the Cosmo was, we were looking for trouble more along the lines of general debauchery and a little less of the financial kind ($25 Black Jack would not be wise at this point). Thus, Bill’s Gambling Hall was the next destination for some late night, low-limit gambling. Bill’s was packed, so the plan was to divide-and-conquer whilst winning copious amounts of money. TJ and I grabbed two vacant slot machines while Corye went to test his luck at the tables. We proceeded to ‘not win’, so we went in search of Corye. Shortly thereafter, we found him approaching a crowded game of Roulette and watched as he laid bets on 13, 26, and black. The wheel was spun... the number called is 26. Unfortunately, someone didn’t match his outside bet, which resulted in the win not being paid out. That illustrious number 26 continued to haunt Corye for the remainder of the trip. Almost every Roulette table we walked past from that point on displayed #26.
It was coming close to morning, so we figured we’d grab some food. We went next door to The Burger Joint inside the Flamingo where we were supposed to get a late-night snack. However, their flooded kitchen begged to differ. Instead of food, we were offered more alcohol. I opted for water (something I should have done on Day 3) and the boys thought they’d split a pitcher. They were left speechless when the waiter returned with two pitchers. Apparently they failed to notice the “2 for $12” sign posted on the wall. They weren’t feeling too enthusiastic about their brews (they were quite a few drinks deep already), but being the nice Canadian boys that they are, soldiered on. They were not going to insult the staff, nor their country, by not polishing off those pitchers! Eventually we all started talking to a pair of Southern Belles who were situated behind us. (Just to recap, the conversation began because the Texan released a loud belch. IMO, y’all have weird mating rituals...)
Southerners: “Y’all have funny accents.”
Canadians: “No... You have funny accents, eh.”
We left the Burger Joint since it was starting to get light out and headed back to Mandalay Bay to rest up for Day 2 – Shopping, Fremont, zip line, and The Bank.
Thankfully, my carry-on was returned in the morning. We all got ready and hopped a cab to The Forums to eat lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, which was amazing. After lunch, we checked out the new H&M store... That place is huge. And since we walked past a Fat Tuesday’s, it was only natural to pick up another slushie concoction. This time I think we all chose the Red Bull flavour. The next stop for us was the Premium Outlets. We spent a few hours there before continuing on to Fremont Street, where we were planning on doing the zip line.
We got to Fremont sometime around late afternoon so we had plenty of time to kill before it would get dark out (we were only doing the zip line if it were night time). Somehow, we managed to walk through the Golden Nugget without dropping a dime yet played at the Four Queens for a few hours. I will never understand how that happened... Anyways, the guy’s were having some luck at Black Jack up until the dealers switched. The new dealer was miserable at best, so we went in search of a new game. We wound up at a table that was a Texas Hold ‘Em variation with Uros, the dealer. This guy was just awesome – Doing his job, having a good time, and chatting with us. He was hilarious in the fact that whenever we mucked our cards, he had to look at them before putting them off to the side. It made no difference to him or the game, but he still looked every single time. Eventually an older man joined our little game. We made small talk with him, continued to play, and in time all four of us were up in chips (playing by Uros’ rules). At one point, the older man looked at Corye and I, noticed our AOD tags, and asked where we had “served”. That was probably the funniest/scariest thing that could’ve come out of this guy’s mouth... Absolutely made our day, but his naval tattoos would suggest that we probably shouldn’t mess with him. We just laughed and told him it was a Vegas thing. So we’re all having a good time – everyone is up $$$, drinks are flowing, good conversations going – and then Andy shows up. Andy, a.k.a. Leslie Chow, decided that even though we’d been playing the same way for the longest time, we were playing all wrong... Granted, Uros was a little confused with the rules at point, but he asked someone in the pit behind him to verify and they confirmed our bets were legit. So yes, all 4 foot 9 of Andy insisted that we start playing “properly” and took over the dealing from Uros. Of course, we all start to lose instantaneously, so we were off again, too. Perfect timing, I suppose, because it was now dark out and we could get our tickets for the zip line.
I’m the first to admit that I am terrified of heights, but I was not going to miss out on the zip line. Corye - “All you need is liquid courage!” Okay! I started with some Amaretto/Cokes in the casino. Well, they weren’t cutting it, so I forced a pit stop at one of the carts outside to get a verrry strong vodka/cran. Tasted terrible, but seemed to be working relatively quickly. By the time we finally figured out where to get tickets for the zip line (lack of signage, much?) and filled out all of the paperwork (a lot of fine print and initialling... e.g., “If you die, we warned you. Sign here.”) it’s time for a bathroom break. Finally, some actual signage... “Restrooms reserved for patrons only.” Not exactly the signage we were looking for, but okay, we could all use a little more “liquid courage”, thus becoming patrons... Upstairs to the bar! The guys leave it up to Mr. Bartender to make their drink choices for them (Flaming Dr. Pepper’s) but I’m craving a Bottle Cap. Most of you are probably thinking, “What’s a Bottle Cap?” (For the record: http://www.barnonedrinks.com/drinks/...cap-11749.html = Delicious) Well, apparently it’s a Canadian delicacy because American’s haven’t heard of limeade (lemonade, but with limes!) or carry Raspberry Sourpuss. So I had to improvise with Mr. Bartender and teach him how to make one with whatever he had behind the bar. The drink was a fail, but alcohol is alcohol. We finally left after spending waaay too much time there... I must’ve missed a convo between the guys and Mr. Bartender because their departing words to him were, “We swear, we’re not assholes!” and a shot glass magically left with TJ.
Up to Floor 5 we go where the line-up for the zip line starts. We’ve got some good buzzes going on (glad I settled on that extra vodka shot at the bar downstairs), but we’ve got some time to spare as there is a decent line in front of us. We’re just having a good time, chatting and recapping what’s happened so far and then it’s time to get harnessed up. Ballllllllls... shit just got real. Then suddenly we’re all wondering where TJ’s bag from the Premium Outlets went. Seems as though he forgot it at the Four Queens. Chumps would’ve walked back to the casino to get the bag – We were gonna zip line it. At this point, being drunk isn’t really helping with the heights... in fact, it probably emphasized it. So I’m straight tripping out, the guys are yelling at me to “Man up!” and then all of a sudden we’re next to get hooked up.
We get up on the platform and the guy immediately clicks our harnesses in and lines us up. I’m sure he was spouting some sort of instructions, but I was too busy looking down/tripping out to concentrate on what he was saying. Then he tells us to step up on the foot stools and sit down. After a few minutes of berating me, I eventually sat down in the harness, grasping for dear life – Yes, I’m well-aware we haven’t left the platform yet. He yelled at me to open my eyes, but I wasn’t sold on that idea, so I told him no way in Hell I was going to do that. The guy tells me he’s going to count to 3 and I’ll be on my way down. As I’m yelling at him to wait, I hear him say, “1!” And then I’m flying... Yeup, I didn’t get my 3 count... Probably for the best, though. I could’ve sworn that all he did was unclick the harness, but the boys insist he pushed me down. Guess I have to take their words for it. When I did open my eyes, I could see the guys still sitting comfortably on the platform – laughing, hard. It was awesome to fly by all of the neon and people cheering below. It was a very short ride, though. Like, literally 20 seconds max. The boys met me on the end platform and we headed back down to ground level. Then it was back to the Four Queens to get TJ’s bag. Sure enough, he left it at the tables. We hopped in a cab and headed back for the Strip to get ready for The Bank that night.
TR: December 18-21
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