The TR to end all TRs

[Ryan111778]

Great TR, highly entertaining. It's too bad the girl in the white dress c-blocked you. It sounds like you need a professional wing man.

[Charles~]

Dude from the sound of it you're just not projecting your voice to these girls.

When I step to a girl I want her to feel like a fucking bomb is going off right in front of her. Like fucking BOOOOOOOOOOOM, YO.

[NyceGuy]

Dude from the sound of it you're just not projecting your voice to these girls.

When I step to a girl I want her to feel like a fucking bomb is going off right in front of her. Like fucking BOOOOOOOOOOOM, YO.

lol WASSSUPPPP GYULLLLL!!!!!! DAMN YOU FINE

[Guest]

lol WASSSUPPPP GYULLLLL!!!!!! DAMN YOU FINE

Yup..thats some Vegas energy...
Seems like he was sneeking around..being too polite

[Charles~]

lol WASSSUPPPP GYULLLLL!!!!!! DAMN YOU FINE

Haha thanks. I'm going to use this exclusively tonight...on second thought, I'm gonna alternate this with "SHAWWTY WHAT YO NAME IZZZ??"

Will post results.

[nyc2vegas]

great TR barrelO, love the honesty!!!!

[AK2Vegas]

Wow man brutal honesty, I felt like I got rejected with you. Good TR though, funny as shit! Like chicken pox, I've already caught my buffet virus and will never ever catch it again, but I've heard the Bellagio is really good.

[IRockNvegas]

Holy Shit barrel-o! Sorry I have to admit I was LAUGHING OUT LOUD at some of your misfortunes, but love your honesty! I can tell you do to cause if half that shit would of happened to me I would never repeat. I had a feeling certain aspects of your trip were going to crash and burn....Explain this.......

" From there, it was off to Mandalay Bay to check out the goddamn Shark Reef Aquarium. I was initially worried because I followed the signs and ended up at a giant line. Luckily, it turned out to be for some UFC bullshit. I kept walking and finally made it to the aquarium. It was just as rad as I expected it to be"

lol and this

"While I'm waiting for the clubs to open, I grab an iced mocha at the coffee shop. There turned out to be a hole in my straw, so I ended up with coffee all over my shirt. Hell and damnation. Luckily, it was stain-resistant, so it ended up not being a big deal"

i fell out of my chair on that one

"At this point, I decide that my main problem is that I hesitate too much and allow myself to become paralyzed with indecision. My best course of action, then, is to not think, just act."

self realization a step in the right direction

when in vegas ya just gotta say "fuck it" have fun, no worries what doesnt work out its just dirt on your shoulder. rub it off, move on.

Edit:
Oh I forgot to mention, since you like to read, I have a great recommendation for you. I wll PM it to you now.

[tombrokaw]

Sounds like you were walking around alone. That's a problem. You need a wingman dude.

[Guest]

Nice way to wrap things up Rock.. too much thinking and not enough ****'ing in Vegas

[BritishV]

OMG! BarrelO - can't believe you struck out so much - you're cute AND funny - you're clearly picking the wrong girls, you need to go for someone with class who'll appreciate you next time!!

[Guest]

OMG! BarrelO - can't believe you struck out so much - you're cute AND funny - you're clearly picking the wrong girls, you need to go for someone with class who'll appreciate you next time!!

That seems to be the key word around here

[BarrelO]

Yes, I'm aware that I need a wingman. But I knew that before I went to Vegas. I would also like to note that two separate individuals have sent me PMs advising me to read The Game by Neil Strauss. You know who you are. Thanks for the advice, guys.

A couple more things I meant to mention. First of all, I accidentally ordered a Michelob Ultra at Tryst. Gross. Second, there was a guy at Tryst even more pathetic than me. He was standing by the bar completely motionless. I kind of felt sorry for him. But I'm pretty sure he was wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt under his blazer, so fuck him.

And now, the thrilling conclusion!

Sunday, November 22
In which I regret not betting on the Colts, reconnect with my German heritage, and contribute to a worthy cause

My day began with a phone call from my dad wishing me a happy belated birthday. He figured I'd be going out with friends the previous night and didn't want to bother me then. Yeah, I neglected to inform him about my Vegas trip. When he found out where I was, he said he thought it was strange that I was in Vegas by myself unless I had some ulterior motive I wasn't telling him about. After we hung up, it occurred to me that he might have been talking about the Bunny Ranch or a similar house of ill repute.

It's around 9:30 or so at this point, so it's almost time for FOOTBALL!!!!! The games on TV: Colts/Ravens and Cowboys/Redskins. What the hell? Did I accidentally go back to DC a day early? Again, I strongly consider putting a C-note on the Colts (I feel much better about it than I do the Jets game). But in the end, I puss out. The Dolphins already played on Thursday, so I don't have much of a vested interest in any of the day's games. Of the options that are presented to me, Colts/Ravens is the easy choice. And of course, the Colts end up winning. My cowardice screws me over yet again.

I don't care at all about any of the late games, so I have a ton of time to kill before going out. For that matter, there's the question of where to go. My original plan is to go to The Bank, but my planned itinerary hasn't worked out all that well for me, so I think it might be a good idea to mix things up. Body English is definitely a possibility. To that end, I head over to the Hard Rock to get a feel for the place. Once I get there, it's a pretty easy call. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I just don't like the vibe of the place. BE is out. XS is also a possibility, but I don't feel like paying the extra cab fare. So Bank it is. However, royale will be happy to know that one of the girls at the cashier's desk was wearing a Raiders jersey.

The trip isn't a total waste, though, since the Hard Rock is across the street from the Hofbrauhaus. I like beer and German cuisine, so this is obviously a must-visit. I thought it was pretty funny seeing all the workers with tattoos and piercings wearing lederhosen and dirndlkleids. I end up getting a slice of German rye bread with butter, a pretzel with sweet mustard, and two half-liters of Hofbrau lager. In retrospect, I should have just gotten the full liter since it was less expensive. Oh, well. Hindsight is 20/20.

After this, I head back to the Strip and stop at Planet Hollywood. I first go to the Miracle Mile Shops to see if my angel is working at the Sunglass Hut. Alas, she is not. So I head over to the casino and stop by Earl of Sandwich. I get an All American, which is dee-lish. Apparently, this place was founded by the descendants of the actual Earl of Sandwich, which I think is pretty neat. It's nice to see inherited nobility actually doing something productive. I then drop by the race and sports book and see that the Pats are curbstomping the Jets. Wow, good thing I decided to hold off on that one. Speaking of football, there was an absolute shit-ton of Chargers fans out today. Baby blue jerseys everywhere. All of a sudden, I am beset by temporary madness and decide to hit up the Spice Market Buffet. What can I say? I really like unlimited shrimp.

After probably eating too much, I head over to the Bellagio. (Actually, I think I might have also gone to the Bellagio earlier in the day too. I can't quite remember.) While there, I see a poster by The Bank promoting Cocktails for a Cause. Apparently, for every drink that is purchased, they're donating a certain amount to a homeless shelter. More importantly (for me, anyway), anyone who donates food or canned goods receives complimentary admission. I rack my brain trying to think where I can buy something like this nearby. After about a minute, I'm off to the Walgreens near the Venetian. After I purchase a can of green beans, I head back to my room to rest for a bit.

I make it the Bellagio some time after 9. At this point, I conclude that if I haven't even come close to getting any the previous three nights, it probably isn't happening tonight either. So I have two options: I can either commit seppuku or soldier on and hope that I'll get some neat stories out of it. It's a tough call, but I opt for the latter. After a while, I head over to Caramel for some drinks. I'm not feeling too optimistic about the beer selection, so I opt for a Stella Artois. They don't have any, but while the bartender is looking through the fridge, I see a Hoegaarden, so I opt for that.

I head over to The Bank around ten till. As I'm sure you all know, there isn't a line per se, just a giant clusterfuck around the velvet rope. I don't like this at all. In any event, I make it past the rope around 11. I drop my can in the food box and get comped admission. I'll be damned. It actually worked. Once I get in, it takes me like half an hour to find the bathroom because the layout is so confusing. I felt like I was in Legends of the Hidden Temple.

Once I relieve myself, I'm ready to mingle. To that end, I devise what in my mind is a bulletproof conversation starter. "When I get back, people are going to ask me what I did in Vegas, and I'd like to be able to tell them that I met some interesting people." The way I see it, this is sufficiently non-threatening that it can lead to some interesting conversation even if the girl isn't interested. Results later. First, it's time to dance!

That's right, I decided to hit the dance floor. I generally try to avoid this, since my dance technique rather resembles Glass Joe's fighting technique in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. But sometimes you just gotta cut loose. When the DJ played Gold Digger, I could hold back no longer.

After tripping the light fantastic for a bit, I'm ready to approach some women. I have to interactions in total. The first is with two women standing by themselves on the upper balcony. I go up to them and say hi. One of them turns toward me, kind of smiles weakly, and turns right back around. Ouch. The second involves a girl standing by herself at the end of the bar. I go up to her and bust out my line. She responds thusly: "I'm waiting for my boyfriend. In fact, I think he's right behind you." I turn around, and sure enough, there he is. Well, at least that wasn't my fault. At least, not entirely.

It soon becomes apparent that the pickings are pretty slim and sticking around will accomplish nothing worthwhile. However, I have one last ace up my sleeve. Part of my check-in package was a ticket for complimentary admission to Ghostbar on Thursdays and Sundays. I decide this might be worth checking out, so I head back to the Palms. Unfortunately, Ghostbar is already closed by this point (it was around 2:30). So I head up to my room and take a little cat nap before checking out in the morning.

In sum, I went to Vegas, spent a bunch of money I couldn't really afford to spend, and quite possibly set some kind of record for futility. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. The way I see it, Vegas is a new challenge to overcome, and if there's one thing I've never been able to resist, it's a challenge. My only real regret was the hotel. I didn't dislike the Palms, but if I could do it over again, I'd stay on the Strip. When will I rise to the occasion? Right now, I'm looking at February. I get a bunch of days off from school around MLK weekend, so that'll probably be the most convenient time.

OK, that pretty much covers it. I hope you all got something out of my TR.

[LovesVegas18888]

Great TR!! this last part was by far the funniest.. you're a great writer.

[wat]

Well done, BarrelO. Great TR, great writing.

May your next trip to Vegas be awesome.