Need Advice! Ladies ONLY PLEASE!

[Alisha673]

Right on and thanks for understanding Drew. So really the key question for the ladies: What sort of things attract you to the "Bad Boy"? Confidence, obviously, but what else?

You said it confidence. Knowing my Bf trusts me is huge and makes me love him so much. Be sure of your self and who you are. I find that is very attractive in a man. If she loves she will grow out of this phase and when she does you are the man she loves and is married to. The one that has been by her side all these years.

I even think if she is going out maybe you should have a night to get out with your friends clear your head and have some fun.

If you can think of things she used to like about you when she first feel in love with or things you did then try doing some of those things, but I don't think you should have to be someone new.

[NyceGuy]

I think you nailed iy Nyce what I'm seeking is ideas on HOW to give her that spark of badboy excitement, so that she no longer feels the desire to seek it elsewhere. Cause even if these are just platonic friendships at the moment, lets face it - guys are dogs, and these guys are just waiting for their chance most likely. (FWIW - I married a 7 who recently morphed into an 11)

I think it's hard to suggest any particular thing you should do because everyone is different and what might work on some might not work on Jane.

I think she may be going back to the bad boy type because it's what reminds her of you, of what it used to be. Now, I don't think there's anything about the bad boy image in particular but it's the feeling of mystery that surrounds a person. Think about it, the less you know about a person the more intrigued and attracted you are. It's what keeps people up at night wondering when they'll get the next phone call. When marriage kicks in, that all disappears for the most part. There's no sense of personal life, but a joining of two. The only thing I can suggest is to start doing something, take up something that will be yours only and not shared. Aside from that, give her time to realize on her own what you represent and what you are to her. Like Drew said, you can't force it.

[dnix]

I understand your desperate for help, but IMHO taking advise on marriage from a message board is one of the worst things you can do. Im right at 11yrs of marriage with 4 kids, and I still dont consider myself qualified to counsel. You and your spouse need to seek advise from a couple with a minimum of 20+ years in a healthy marriage.

IMHO The resolution your seeking will not work long term. Its just a band-aid from desperation. Love is a choice. You cant make or entice someone to love you. I hope things work out for you.

But again, this is the last place I would seek advise, so feel free to disregard my post.

[Charles~]

Hmmm...off the top of my head, what do women find attractive in a "bad boy"...

Well first off it's not the bad boy that they like, it's the qualities that most of them share that they are ultimately attracted to. You could be a totally "nice guy" and have women all over you.

An attractive male has these qualities.

-A delusional sense of entitlement.
He sees what he wants and takes it. In his head he runs the world and acts accordingly.

-Confidence, but confidence that comes from inside and not from external pillars such as fancy cars and other materialistic things.

-Has a firm set of beliefs, values, and behaviors that he will and will not accept from others and lives in alignment with this.

-Has a concrete understanding of who he is.

-Has his own sense of reality, and doesn't let it be influenced by external factors.

-Is passionate about his career and hobbies (This is where the musician gets lucky)

-Can give her a broad range of emotions.

-A man that is on his own path.



Ok hopefully this helps, I might reword this and add to it later, gotta get ready for work.

[SDGonzo]

Thanks all for the feedback...and Charles - well thought out answer, thank you. For the record, I...er Johnny is not intending to ask marriage advice per se. Perhaps a little too much of the details of Johnny's situation were shared, but the gist of the original question is "What sort of things to ladies find attractive about the Bad Boy?", to which I believe Alisha is the only lady who has offered a reply. Anyway, Thanks

[Charles~]

Yeah, it's one of the few subjects that I can drop knowledge on, so I figured I should chime in. Not all guys are gonna offer up jackoff responses like Cisco.

As far as relationships go, they need maintenance just like everything else. You can't just assume that it'll last forever.

Think about when you're single, you go out at night and consciously try to impress the opposite sex, from your grooming, to your attire, to bringing your A game. It's no different when you're married or in a relationship.

You still need to impress your woman. She needs to constantly be shown affection and appreciation. On top of this she needs to be stimulated emotionally all the time.

This is a broad subject. Being emotionally stimulating can come from a variety of things.

When I was in a relationship I know things can get stale very quickly, it's in hyperdrive when you live with them. Things become a daily routine and much of the magic is lost.

Romantic dates turn into a Friday night conversation of "What do you want for dinnner?" "I don't care, get whatever." and then it becomes pizza night.

Or fun late night conversations turn into "How was work?" "It was fine, you?" "OK..." and so on.

I used to do a few things when I was in a relationship to keep things fun.

I'd go on adventures with my girl constantly. It could be as random as grabbing her hand right when she walks in the door and walking with her to a neighborhood restaurant while kicking rocks down the backstreets and asking her silly questions like "When you were a little girl what was your fairytale wedding like?" or arguing about which were the best childhood cereals. Basically just asking genuine, thought provoking, interesting questions will keep a woman emotionally interested, plus you'll learn some cool facts about a woman that you've known forever.

On top of this a man can lose his decisiveness when in a relationship. It's a natural tendency to try to become one person in a relationship. Therefore it's common to try to make joint decisions. This will also cause a woman to lose attraction.

Now I don't mean you have to be dick and bark orders, but there's times where a man needs to take the lead. I'm sure you can find where you can apply this to your life. For me it would be silly things like choosing a restaurant or what to do that weekend.

Another thing that can be lost in a relationship is having your own personal time and friends. Give your partner the gift of missing you. It's powerful. Hang out with your friends at least once a week or have a hobby that you go do on your own that you love. For me it's hockey.

I hope this gives you the specific examples you were looking for. If you want more just let me know, it's probably not the most organized post ever, but this is how my mind works at 9am. Haha.

[Guest]

I would do what Tom Leykis says

[Matt]

I hear a decent meth habit makes you into a real badass.

[IndyColtsGal]

Not sure I have good answers since I'm NOT attracted to bad boys...security means everything to me.
As we get older we change and as a couple they change at different rates. In a few yr's it could be you seeking something exciting.
I have felt very bored with my marriage (of 19 yr's) many times, but......I never hang out with other guys since a situation could occur that would be regretted later on.
One of the things that h and I have done to spice things up go on date nt's. If she is really wanting a bad boy maybe take her to a strip club (I hear there are great ones in Vegas). Humm maybe some role playing (pretending to be strangers in a bar).
You don't think that she secretly wants you to beat up the boys she been hanging with do you? Also do you think that maybe she has gote itno drugs, and these guys provide what she desires. Take a look at these guys and try to figure out what it is that they do that attracts her.
Now I will say from watching other women for some reason if a guy treats her like shit, doesn't call her acts like he is seeing other girls and isn't into her much these gals are that much more attracted. It's as if they (the girls) feel that they have to proove to the guy that they are the right one so they will jump through hoops for them. Just an observation I have made.
You also mention that she is now an 11. If she ever had low self esteem , maybe she is now enjoying the new found male attraction. We all want to be wanted but on the reverese side nobody wants to be suffocated.
Good Luck feel free to PM if you wish.

[kori]

oh, and PLUS 1 on what Charles said.. guys should read that..

[Guest]

Just read through this, and you should be good to go: http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/

[SoCal Girl]

Just read through this, and you should be good to go: http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/

Royale as much as I love listening to Leykis you and I both know this would not help the situation. He is fun to listen to...signing racks and promoting girls for flashing their boobs for Flash Friday. But marriage advice he is not.

[Guest]

Just read through this, and you should be good to go: http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/

Royale as much as I love listening to Leykis you and I both know this would not help the situation. He is fun to listen to...signing racks and promoting girls for flashing their boobs for Flash Friday. But marriage advice he is not.

Thats true.. I m just saying.. he still has options