AK2Vegas LOOOOOOOOOONG TR

[AK2Vegas]

Funny thing is, about five minutes later, Tyra is almost ready to go. So whatever, now I’ve been on the phone so long I’m not ready, and I’m the one holding us up. I throw my shit together and stumble on my tie. I can’t get my knot just right and I’m getting really frustrated by this small but relevant detail. I’m not going to be the one who’s out of step after everyone else has worked so hard to look fantastic. I re-tie the fucking thing about fifteen times getting madder and madder at it, especially since I’m holding us up now and end up just throwing the half-Windsor on and being pissed about it (as I look at the pictures I still hate the knot-but it didn‘t really matter in the end). I slam down the rest of my whisky Redbull and finally we’re off.

We cab down to Mandalay Bay, and I can’t find the restaurant. I call Paul and he tells me to go to THEhotel that’s where the restaurant is.

So finally we’re all here and I think we look pretty badass. The bar is off the chain, but the restaurant is a little too much if you ask me. Our server, Randy, gives us the explanation of Heaven and Hell but the more I look around the more it feels like I’m in a weird Michael Jackson video. Paul points out how the pods look like something from Men In Black and I can’t get the damn song out of my head after that.

The crew Ginger, Billy, Tyra, Susan, Paul, Me

I can’t remember appetizers everyone had, but Ginger and I split the spicy crab salad. The service here was really good, but after Cut the bar had been set and these guys just couldn’t match it. It was like watching the Patriots and the Colts; one’s good, the other’s perfect. We have this weird stupid thing where we try to out order the others in terms of being original, and we won’t ever duplicate anyone else’s order. So Paul and I joust over who is going to get the lobster and just generally joking around and I settle on the halibut. I didn’t want to be as full as I was the night before at Cut.

Paul

Well the food comes out and Billy, Susan, and I all ordered the halibut. Epic fail for food diversity. I think Paul did end up getting the lobster which he all but licks the plate clean of. Ginger tells us that the bathrooms are worth checking out so Paul and I go to use the restrooms and its like the fucking space shuttle, sterile white and tiny as fuck (ahem, the women‘s restrooms are worth checking out). Here again are these damn J-shaped faucets. Paul can’t figure out how to use them and I show him the jerk off technique I observed from the bathrooms at KA, what seems like years ago at this point. We load up on matches (don’t ask me why) and I take Ginger and Tyra over to the bar to check the place out a little bit.

After the failure at Pure I’m sure that I don’t want to be late and Paul’s reminding me of the time, about 21:35 now. I’ve got a limo picking us up at 22:00. Susan knows this and I think she’s passive aggressively fucking with me when she orders dessert. I get the ice cream, just to try it, and its really something. We notice these little pads of paper on the table and we’re not sure what they’re for at first but I use them to figure out the bill. Now this is the largest dinner bill I’ve ever seen.

We thank Randy and head out, but the girls need to use the restroom so here we are, repeating the long bathroom incident at the airport and now I’m sure Susan’s fucking with me. The three of us are all in suits and we’re standing near the elevator by the host’s podium. Well I’m up for fun so we pretend we work there and we’re greeting people as they come off the elevator. ‘Good evening, welcome to Mix, step up to the bar, your server will be with you shortly’ and so on.


We ride back down and pass the sports book. Susan is meandering like a sloth and I’m beyond saying anything about it at this point. Its about 22:05 now and she wants to check out Texas State’s scores. WTF? Paul pulls me aside and tells me its because she’s angry that we took so long getting to the restaurant. The limo operator told me to meet the driver at the Mandalay Bay Beach entrance. I have no idea where this is but I’m making a good effort trying to find it and I end up leading us to the pool area. Why he couldn’t just tell me to go under the main entrance? We end up finding Matt (with Presidential again) and he’s just getting there too so its not too bad. Finally we’re off to the Wynn at almost 22:20. Champagne again and I’m feeling relieved that dinner is over and excited to get to Tryst.

(Before I start this section I want everyone to know that Tryst totally lived up to the hype. Although we had more fun at Tao hands down, this club has got to be the best club on the planet in terms of design. Another caveat is that much of this section is reconstituted from the memories and photos and all of us except Susan blacked out to varying degrees. [She didn’t drink.] I think we might have been drugged, honestly. We drank less here than at Tao [per person] and yet can’t remember large portions of the night.)

(David Guetta: Memories (Featuring Kid Cudi) and my favorite song on the album)
We get to the Wynn and I’m not sure where Tryst is but it’s pretty easy to find being near the entrance. We stop for a group picture in the lobby and I’m glad we did because it’s the only one we would get before the night was over. Immediately Susan complains that the backdrop wasn’t ideal (and it wasn’t, but I wasn’t thinking about the backdrop when I asked the drop dead blonde to take our picture-and yes at this point she’s totally under my skin).

My Crew: Tyra, Billy, Me, Ginger, Paul, Susan

We get ushered to the line and at this point I’ve learned my way around these things. Where once I thought that bottle service was a way to not wait in line, I now know it as a way to a much shorter line, but still a line. I’m engaging the security host in idle chit chat after exhausting my hosts name to no avail. Apparently his clipboard isn’t regal enough to hold my name, he directs me to a more senior security guy (another Joe). While we’re talking a guy comes up and does the same thing I just tried, but he stumbles a little: ‘Hi, I’ve got a table reservation through Patrick Henry’ the host looks at him and I quickly butt in, ‘you mean Patrick Frank’ ‘yeah, yeah, Patrick Frank’. He thanks me and I explain that we’re all in this shit together.

At some point the younger girls go to the bathroom and I send Ginger after them to keep an eye on them. The last thing I want is to be waiting for them when we get called. While we’re back here with idle chit chat host, a really drunk old guy and his woman show up. He’s bordering on belligerent, not dressed well at all (jeans a ball cap and a leather coat) and he insists that his contact has given him VIP passes and he’s not waiting. The security guy is trying to calm him down but he won’t stop talking about who he is and how he knows so and so and all the security guy wants is his pass. Finally he pauses him long enough to ask him for his pass, it’s legitimate, and he’s let through. Some guys huh?

The line moves pretty quickly (its still around 22:50) and we get to the front pretty fast. Joe is here and I tell him my hosts name (I didn’t use Patrick because my sister went to great trouble to get me the host I did use, Krissy Stokes with XS) and as soon as I drop her name he’s ready to move the rope and let us in, except the girls aren’t there. Paul’s pissed at this point and practically yells at Ginger over the phone to get their asses up here. Joe’s patient and tells me to just let him know when they get here. Great. Funny thing about this guy, great looking guy, earpiece, clipboard, suit, and Keds? Not even sneakers, but dirty Keds? OK…

So Joe walks away and now a couple other parties are let in and I’m chitchatting them up when I see the girls at the back of the line (they got lost). I tell Joe (kinda loudly) and the first guy we spoke with lets them through the back of the line. He ID’s us and tells us to wait in another staging area at the top of the stairs. (Another line?) I get a $20 from Billy (cause all I got is $100s) and run it back to Joe and stuff it in his hand.

Now we’re introduced to Rodrigo (even I have to admit this guy is handsome-this is the definition of metrosexual - pronounced Rrrodreego) and he takes Susan’s arm and leads them down the stairs. I take Tyra’s arm because she standing next to me and Billy takes Ginger’s arm (I shouldn’t have let that happen, but my bad) and here we go.

[AK2Vegas]

Tryst is exactly what we were promised. The nightclub version of Milk and Honey, the club promised land, the place where all really good party goers go to die (sorry, enough with the metaphors). The red hallway at the base of the stairs opens up to the most magnificent of places framed by a hundred foot waterfall. Rodrigo leads us to the south patio (you can see our exact spot on the website if you click on visit and click on south patio. Where the camera is placed is our table) and I shake his hand with a Benjamin stuck to my palm and thank him. He introduces us to Noy, our server. She’s good, but she’s no Jillian (once again, Tao was the Vikings, older but reliable, and Tryst is the Cowboys; great new stadium, good, but not great team). We also meet our barback (another name I forgot) and the first thing I ask is if the heat lamps can be turned down. We’re all in suits and the heat’s a little bit too much. We also meet Joe our security guard. He’s not another Mike at all, but he tells me to let him know if I need anything.

Me, Ginger, Susan, Paul, Tyra, Billy

I order a bottle of Grey Goose for the ladies and a bottle of Crown for the guys. Ginger had told me one of the things that made Tao so much fun for her was she drank a lot more than she ever had before. She said the drinks were just so good. I tell her it must’ve been the vodka that made it so good. So I place the order with some SF Redbull and waters and here is where I make my first fumble: instead of paying cash (which I had in my pocket) I gave her my credit card-don’t do that. The first thing that Susan says to me is why did you get Grey Goose, why not Belvedere? Then she says that this spot is OK, but why couldn’t we be closer to the dance floor? At this point I’m done with her and I totally ignore her. I can’t believe this is coming from her at all.

The breeze from the lake is so refreshing and if I move just a few inches back I’m into the heat lamps and the breeze disappears, it’s perfect. I take off my jacket and we’ve got five cameras going all at once and the alcohol comes and bam, liftoff, ‘Houston, this is Tryst, we’ve cleared the tower, the time is now 23:00.’

I go dancing with the girls and the dance floor is even amazing. It’s hard to move around but not claustrophobic like Pure was last year. I’m just having a blast with these three ladies (Susan included) and I can’t believe when, to the beat, the ceiling opens up and money comes pouring down. I really am in the promised land now, I can‘t believe this place! All three girls manage to grab some cash and we’re totally vibin now. Hopefully I can get my iPhone video up because I shot it right after this part.[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjeY6kAunuc[/ame]

The rest of the night is broken memories supplanted by pictures that jar my memory or conversations with the others but is certainly not what I would call a single narrative.

Billy’s finally shaken off his chips and he apologizes for missing Tao earlier. He tells me (and I shouldn’t have even listened to him) that he’s having the time of his life and that we should get a second bottle if the first one dies off.

Tyra is getting crazy, Ginger and Paul and Billy are all having a good time and I ask Joe where the bathrooms are. He points all the way across the club and I make my way over there. I finish my business and as I’m washing up I feel someone pushing me in the back. I’m about to either deck this guy or put him in an arm lock and I tense up to go into my combat form when I realize it’s the attendant using a lint brush on my back. I can’t believe this place! He offers the use of his counter and I’m so relieved to see an assortment of cologne. In my fight with my tie I forgot to put any scent on. I ask him what he’s got and he tells me the name of each and everyone of the twenty or so different types. I use one, grab a mint, tip them and I’m out again.

We met some cool people during the night, but one couple stayed in my memory. Brandon and Angela. Angela is a stunning blonde, great smile, fantastic body. I’m a reader of people and I’m thinking that she’s got just a little too much in the hips and she’s probably starting to edge up out of her twenties. This girl is a nine for sure though. My read of Brandon is that this guy’s got too much brains (read he’s a smart ass) a little too much money and he’s a little too comfortable with his situation in life. He’s into technology sales and this is his 25th trip to Tryst. Whether or not this is true I’m not sure.

Angela and Brandon from Chicago

They’ve been together for a year and I gather she wants to be married and he doesn’t. He and I get along great, even though he’s way too sure of himself, I’m wired to find the best in people and I could probably gel with just about anyone if I had to. I pour some of the Vodka in their glasses because I know that Tyra and Ginger won’t finish this bottle and Susan’s not drinking tonight. They seemed fine when they arrived, but I quickly surmise that Brandon is already pretty fucked up. They’re from Chicago, so normally I talk shit about the Bears (that we beat on Thursday, and covered the spread) and I say, ‘Chicago, the Bears, Oprah, Obama’ and Brandon is probably about as embarrassed about Obama as I am about Palin as he’s going yeah after I said Bears, Oprah, and then Obama he just kinda groans. This is funny to both of us so to recover I go, Bulls, Michael Jordan and I ellicit more yeahs out of him again.

Now according to my brain, they just stopped by for a few minutes, but thanks to the time stamps on the camera I realize they hung out for about 20 minutes. At some point Brandon and I are talking (timeout: guys will understand and think this is funny; women will be horrified-but this is a TR and this is truth-I plead alcohol) about fucking the women around us and I make some sort of joke about how hot Angela is that her mother’s probably pretty hot too and Brandon says, I’ll let you fuck her mother, and I shoot back, you’d fuck her mother and we get to talking about Tyra and how small she is that she probably pretty good in bed-the term spinner is brought up (Tyra if you read this, please understand drunk men only think with their cocks-please forgive me) and now Angela who was talking with Billy or something, pulls me aside and wants to know what he just said about Tyra. Being a good wingman (even though I don’t know this guy) I try to play it down to Angela that we’re just fucking around and I can’t even remember what he just said (I‘m lying). This doesn’t convince her and I think she’s kinda insecure about this guy. They leave shortly after this. I wish I would have had the sense to tell her to put him to bed and come back and party with us as she wasn’t hardly drunk at all, but I didn’t. Time stamp: 00:45 to maybe 01:00.

The girls are crazy at this point. They’re kissing each other, everyone is having a blast, the music’s good, everything is going well. Pictures continue to shoot. I don’t know when this happened but at some point Tyra’s camera dies. Noy offers to charge the battery. My jaw drops, what else will they do for you here? How many camera battery chargers would they have to keep just to offer that service? I can’t believe this place!

I went and used the restroom, and again get de-linted, and as I’m leaving I see a pretty blonde standing by herself. I immediately ID her as a qualifier for Paul (I’m a good wingman) and I throw out a worthless, would-never-work-here-line, but being on fire and charismatic, and maybe the suit helps, she come back to the table with me. Time stamp: 01:50.

I still don’t have this girl’s name but she hits it off with Paul right away, playing with his hair, full escalation of Keno etc. She didn’t even want a drink. Well for whatever reason, Tyra hops on this girl and starts riding her. She’s on Paul, they’re both on Paul, Tyra’s on this girl, I’m thinking this is wild, fun and fantastic!


They play around for a while and then this girl starts hiking Tyra’s skirt up and tries to take off her panties. At first I didn’t realize what was happening but I could feel Tyra’s discomfort and she bolts away from the situation at this point and I’m horrified that she was just violated by this blonde bitch. I feel responsible for bringing this girl to the table and I feel like its my job to protect Tyra. I can’t find Joe to kick this girl out but she gets the clue that the line’s been crossed and she needs to leave.

During this whole time Susan’s found a cool guy to hang out with (another Joe) and he’s been hanging with us for a while. At first I told him I totally loved his company but I’d be damned if I was sharing any of this expensive alcohol with him as he had no tits. He was so cool, he understood completely.

I’m not sure what time it was but I made another huge mistake by ordering another bottle of crown. At this point I’ve enlisted Joe to help us drink it. I’m hurting bad by now, I haven’t seen Tyra in a while, or really any of the ladies that I can recall.

[AK2Vegas]

My last timestamp is at 02:47, Paul’s camera quit at 02:51, so from here on out I’m on fuzzy memory only. There are three other cameras but I haven’t seen them as I write this and I’m pretty sure that the images were compromised (NEVER erase your party pictures because you think they look bad. NEVER. [Side note, Susan tells me the next day I‘d been making out with Tyra. I call bullshit, but Ginger confirms and I look through the pictures. Paul‘s camera had been compromised by this point and the last two pics he has, at 02:51, show Ginger, Tyra and me and the next shows me leaning in for the kiss, but not kissing yet, and Ginger laughing. I‘m sure that the next picture was a kiss but there is no evidence]).

I remember that I decide its time for cannonballs and I volunteer for the first one which I quickly over judge and I’m faced with the drunken choice of ejecting this alcohol from my mouth now or puking in about six seconds if I don’t. So here I am hurling out this shot, hanging over the railing, into the lake at Tryst. I don’t know much beyond this point.


Susan dipped out at 03:45 (she tells me the next day) and its real blurry now. I think I met some guys from Alaska and I remembering giving them the rest of the crown (at least half full) and I don’t know what happened to the vodka. (Edit: 12/9/09 Billy confirms that we did cannonball the rest of the Crown and the Vodka was finished as well. According to him: all bottles were emptied. JC.com standing order fufilled.)


I’m also not sure that happened to us. I don’t remember closing out, tipping anyone, or even if we were escorted out. I don’t remember how we got to the cab, but I do clearly telling the driver I was too drunk to walk back to the Venetian. Later I was a little embarrassed to think that three guys in suits were totally shitfaced, stumbling out of a five star resort in Las Vegas, but any establishment that’s going to give three guys two whole bottles pretty much has to be happy we didn’t puke in the foyer.

I don’t remember anything until the hallway from the elevator. We’re half holding up Paul and about halfway down the hallway he just face plants straight down. He went down so fast I thought at first he was playing a joke on us. There was no way I could lift him in my condition and I’m trying so hard to wake him up to get him to walk a bit. Tyra bee lined to her room I think, and Ginger was just getting our door open when Paul became upright again and he must’ve thought our room was his because he went straight in and fell down again in the living room. In trying to get him up again his jacket comes off and he somehow ends up in our bathroom. (I don’t remember this either, but Billy swears it and says he’s got pictures).

What a soldier, even in this state, he has the energy to flip me off! I Love This Guy!

We end up getting him to his room and he collapses in the bathroom. I decide this is good enough, his vomit will be on the tile and he has access to toilet and water. I bid Billy good night and head back to my room.

Sadly this is where the trip spiraled out of control. Ginger and I have tried to remember how it went down but we both agree on a few things:
1. While I was undressing we began to argue about something stupid.
2. She says something to the effect of “Fine then, do you want me to leave?’
3. I’m beyond reproach at this point but I call her bluff, “Fine, fucking leave then!” (Not my best choice of words I admit) and by the time the ‘then’ is out of my mouth my face has already hit the pillow and I’m not even sure I heard the door shut. Estimated time stamp: 05:00.

[AK2Vegas]

Chapter 4 (Set to David Guetta’s Missing You featuring Novel)
Sunday November 15th The Hangover and the Death of Fun

I wake and check the clock, 08:06. My contacts are still in my eyes, I’m parched, and I notice my wife is gone from the bed. I think she’s in the living room portion for about half a second, about as long as it takes my head to lift from the pillow. Within this second still, I think she’s in the bathroom, and as I get up I start walking to the bathroom I realize she’s not there as I can’t feel her presence. All this takes place in about five to ten seconds and I continue to the bathroom.

I pry the contacts from my eyes and wash my face. I’m remembering the night before (about as well as I’ve written) and I’m about 90% furious and 10% concerned with her safety (I think I know where she is already). I want to go leave, but I’m torn with my obligatory duties of finding my wife.

I give her cell a call but no answer. I’m still getting ready to leave now and gathering my things. I can’t find my money (the money I was supposed to spend at Tryst last night + $600 Billy gave me almost $1700-1800) or my ID. I made a point to leave Alaska with a backup ID in case this happened but I still scold myself for it. I go to the safe to get my drivers license since it’s my ID I’ve lost and my last $1000 and my wife comes in the room.

I’m yelling at her for leaving me the night before and I’m really hurt and angry. I drink all the bottled water in the room and storm out. I go downstairs and realize that I don’t have anywhere to go. I go to the sports book since its Sunday and I look at the sheet. I pull up my tout service on my iPhone but I’m too tired (but surprising to me not really hungover) to make any sort of good analysis so out of anger I put $300 on the Cowboys (6-2) at Lambeau -3.5 and decide to go up to my room again.

Ginger is there and she’s upset and I don’t remember exactly how it went down but Paul comes over and Billy shortly thereafter. We’re supposed to watch the Dallas v Green Bay game at Lagassie Stadium because Paul and Susan are Cowboys fans and Billy’s a Green Bay fan but I made the reservation in Alaska about two weeks prior and I adjusted for the time zone incorrectly. Instead of the game being at 12:00 I made the reservation for 11:00 and the game is at 13:15.

Paul is half near death and he looks it. The pictures are pretty funny and I hope I’m able to post them. He tells me he woke up with his shirt and tie on and nothing else. Also his pants are wet and on the floor. Across on the other bed is his cousin, also naked. I’m thinking I can’t wait to file this in the TR.


Billy goes to check on Tyra and Paul says he’s gonna clean up and come right back. Susan comes over and makes Ginger a bath. Everyone knows there’s some sort of drama between us but they’re not sure why. It turns out Ginger went over and slept with Billy and Tyra in their room. This doesn’t make me as angry as most people would think since I’ve know her forever and we’re pretty cool with each other, but the whole abandonment issue especially after she tripped out at me for leaving her in the cab the day before really pisses me off. I’m furious with her and I really don’t want to be speaking with her that day.

So I go see Billy and he cracks the door open and won’t let me in, ‘wassup?’ he asks me without even letting me see in his room. The guy was just in my room and he won’t let me even see in his shit, like I’m bothering him. ‘Nothin,’ I mutter and walk to the next door down where Susan and Paul are. The same treatment.

Susan cracks open the door and won’t even let me in. “Um, Paul’s in the shower, you want me to let him know you were here?” Sure, whatever-sorry to have bothered you. So even though my room’s open for everyone to hang out in, I’m ostracized from my group as I really don’t want to be with my wife right now.

So I walk. I’m not hungover, just dehydrated and hungry. I go down to the food court and get a magazine and have a greasy philly. After that I go to the pool but I want some sun so I head over to the Palazzo pool deck. The pools here are plentiful. There are probably 30 different bodies of water here in the complex, including swimming pools, lounging pools, and Jacuzzis.

I lay in the sun for awhile and rest but I become restless after a bit and I want to leave, so I walk north. And I keep walking. There’s exit signs everywhere, but I can’t find an exit to save my life. Finally I decide to cross a roped off area and take a fire exit. All exits lead out somewhere right?


This puts me into a huge steel staircase stack. This thing is eight stairwells wide and I can’t see the top or bottom of it. It’s almost eerie. The kind of place you’d run to if you were being chased in a movie. I walk down two flights and it’s if I haven’t moved. Same thing up and down. I hear a noise below me and hurry over to it. There is a guy emptying trash here and I ask him how I get out of here. Spanish only. I’ve got enough survival Spanish that I shouldn’t have a problem but for some reason my brain freezes up. I’m embarrassed with myself because I know how to ask this guy how to get out, but at this moment I couldn’t even tell you where they speak Spanish. I resort to hand gestures (I refuse to raise my voice and speak slowly, even though I’m tempted). He leads me to another door and I’m in the Palazzo mall now, at least here I can find my way out. (And so I’m not called a fraud, ¿Dónde está la salida? But it wasn’t working for me that day).

So from here I walk to the Wynn because I can’t remember if I tipped Noy the night before (I did, I just put in on my card) and walking through the Wynn isn’t talking to my wife. I stumble upon the Vertu cell phones and to me this is like finding the last unicorn. I had read about them, but I didn’t know they actually existed in this universe. These phones start at $88,000 and range up to $310,000 and so I do the only thing I can, I take pictures of them.


Tryst is closed, so I text my host and ask her to look into it for me, because I want to make sure I tipped her. From here I walk to the fashion show and I decide that I should at least make this situation productive and I need to get my kids some presents.

My wife has already bought my 13 year old daughter some stuff so I focus on my three sons. I remember as a kid that people would bring me gifts like Hawaiian snow globes or California key chains and to be honest those are not cool gifts. These guys don’t want Las Vegas T-shirts, so I’m hunting the strip for Halo toys. No luck in the entire Fashion Show, and I head south.

Pass through TI, and as I’m there I notice that the Dallas Green Bay game is on and I watch Green Bay lose the ball and it’s brought back to about the five yard line. The score is 0-0 but I’m confidant they will pull through (I walk away and later hear that the ball gets called back). Paul, Susan and Ginger are blowing up my phone wondering what happened to me but I’m in such a pissy mood at this point I feel its better to just isolate myself then to talk to them.

[AK2Vegas]

As I’m leaving TI I notice a small crowd under the bridge and I watch to see what is going on. There’s a street hustler there doing the bait and switch trick. He’s got two three of clubs and a queen of hearts. His sales pitch is the best I’ve ever seen. He’s very friendly and totally too fast for us to get a good fix on. He wants to make sure that anyone watching understands exactly what he’s doing. He switches the cards around and for $100 you can pick the Queen of Hearts. I watch a few people come and go, and I watch a dude lose and then win and then win again. Another lady wins a few hundred. I’m just so amazed that this is going on right on the street. True capitalism, this guys got three cards that look like they came from the trash and he’s making money with them.

I watch a lady lose $100 and I’m certain I know the card. She’s already picked a loser, so I’ve got a 50/50 chance I figure. $100 gone just like that. Guy’s real friendly though and he makes no mistake for what he’s got going on, you give me a chance at your money, I’ll give you a chance at mine. I watch people come and go and a few people think they know the card until they have to pony up some money. Finally I can’t stand it anymore and I want my money back, so I wait until someone picks the wrong card and gives me a 50/50 chance and BAM! Another $100 gone.

At this point his lookout comes down the street and this guy’s gotta get going. As you read this you might think that I got taken, and I might have, but the entertainment value was pretty high and I have no regrets. I shake the guy’s hand and walk off with one of the ‘winners.’ This guys staying at the Flamingo and he got into a fight with his girl and so he’s out walking, pretty much the same thing I’m doing. I say ‘winner’ because for all I know he may have been a plant, but like I said, it was a pretty good 15 minutes.

So from here I’m onto the Forum Shops and I head straight to FAO Schwartz. No Halo toys. I should just give up and buy them something else, but I figure that as bad as I’ve got with their mother they deserve better. I ask the kid there if he thinks I’ve got a chance anywhere else and he recommends Toys r Us off the strip. He’s certain they have them.

I reluctantly cab over there and by now my fatigue is setting in. Of course they don’t have them, so I buy something else and cab back to the Venetian. This makes their cost like three times what I can get them for at Wal-mart but at this point I don’t care.

I get back to my room and Ginger’s there and she’s visibly upset. I forgot to mention that this whole time, her and Susan have been blowing up my phone with texts and shit making me feel like I’m a complete douche ruining everyone’s vacation (I didn’t sleep with anyone else that night, but OK, I feel bad). They’re in Paul’s room eating wings and pizza and watching the game anyway.

So I get back in time to watch the last eight minutes of the game where the score is like 24-0 Green Bay. Cool, with the street hustler I’m down a cool $500. I don’t finish the game.

Ginger and I talk a little bit and we ‘make up’ for a while.

We’ve still got a schedule to keep and I go and check in with Paul and Susan to let them know I’m here, I’m ok and Ginger and I not heading for divorce (anyone that knows me knows that could never happen, but I digress). We’ve got tickets for Zumanity later that night so I go hang out back in my room. I find my money and ID from the night before. As I was helping Paul out of my bathroom I threw it down on the vanity counter. So at least I’m not down another $1700.

We go down to eat at the Grand Lux café and Nick waits on us. I see and immediately order the Calamari (one of my favorite dishes) but nowhere on the menu does it say that each serving is about five pounds of food. Its pretty affordable too, for Vegas.

So after about three pounds of greasy squid and a few pieces of bread, I’ve got no room for the monster salad I’ve ordered. This thing’s about eight inches tall off the plate and is just fantastic, but I can only eat about five bites. Ginger gets a huge roast beef burger, but likewise she can only eat a little of it. My advice here is to only order one thing and split it. The food is really good and its pretty quick too. There must be 100 items on the menu and they’re open 24 hours a day.

Billy and Tyra head down with us to NYNY and once again, Susan and Paul are late. Unfortunately, I’ve got the tickets and I have to wait for them. I send the other three in and wait for Paul and Sarah. Because we split our group up, the usher’s scanner denies our tickets and we end up waiting a few more minutes.

The show was pretty good, not KA good, but its not KA money either, I think we paid $50 a ticket and we were sitting third row on stage right. The people they pulled from the stage to be in the show did a fantastic job (if you’re ever there and don’t want to be called upon, don’t sit near the front center aisle, if they do pull you up, be prepared to make an ass of yourself). There is one scene where a naked male performer has his pom-pom thrown out to the crowd and he has to retrieve it. It was thrown directly behind Paul and this guy has to climb over the three rows to get it back. I say he’s naked, he’s actually wearing a fake dick, and when he crawled up to get his pom-pom his fake dick is right in Paul’s face. Good stuff.

After that we had bottle service at Body English but we were all too tired (and I was too broke after getting the majority of Tao and Tryst) that we decided to just go back to the hotel.

Tyra and Billy decide to go walk the strip and I invite Paul over to hang with us for a while. I make him a drink (his first for the day) and he sips it. He tells me he can’t and I give him all sorts of shit for being the ‘wheels-up to wheels up’ guy and pussying out.

After he leaves we decide to order room service (soup and sandwich) and it gets there really fast. I don’t want the guy to come into the room because of the smell J so I try and stop him in the entrance way. He still has to do his little presentation and I notice he blows something out under the table - a sterno! That’s how the food was kept hot. I tell him how cool that is, and he smiles at me, this guy’s working the swing shift on a Sunday night and he’s still wearing a suit and looking prim. “Or course sir, thank you for being my guest” his guest. I’m sold on this place that was too much for me.

We eat our food and order the Hangover on PPV. We get about a third of the way through and I’m nodding off. I quickly stir and I hear: “Ok, we’re gonna look at these pictures once and then delete them” and I open my eyes and the credits are rolling. Shit.

That’s how Sunday ended.

[AK2Vegas]

Chapter 5: Leaving Las Vegas (David Guetta’s Sound Of Letting Go Featuring Chris Willis)
Monday November 16th At some point the day before Paul had asked for late check out and they said that noon shouldn’t be a problem, but we don‘t ask for it. Lesson learned, always ask, much better to have and not need than to need and not have. We wake up about 10:10 again and I call the front desk for a late check out and am denied. So here we are with a repeat of Friday morning, waking up late, all of us packing like crazy and not enough time to do it in.

We manage to get out at 11:00 and we check out with Melissa the same person who checked us in, what feels like a week ago.

We check our bags with the bellhop and I want to use my free slot play that we got with check in. This takes a good 25 minutes in line, but we get it and I use my $300 drink coupons that I got for losing on the Cowboys (I got a free drink for every $100 wagered, great deal). Ginger and I play our way to a total of $26.50 in cash and leave to go to the Grand Canal Shoppes for some last minute gifts.

I also want to use my $6 coupon to go to the wax museum but I didn’t realize it was so much, I think with the coupon its like $48 so I end up giving it away. Paul texts me and he won $75 on his first spin with his free slot play. He doesn’t realize that you have to play all of the free credit though and leaves 24.25 on his Grazie card.

Ginger and I head to the Mirage to kill some time and she plays some slots while I hit the roulette table. I make some chit chat with a middle aged couple about a method we used at my house that worked well. I also tell him that the methods always work better at home than they do in Vegas. He hits on his third spin and gets up almost $80 and I tell him now you walk away. I had made $20 and I was done. He stayed and probably gave it back to the house.

Paul and Susan had gone to the Stratosphere and Billy and Tyra had just walked around but we all made it back on time. And just like clockwork, there’s Chris Brown to pick us up.

Not much more at this point except for two more quick notes.

After we exit the tram all three groups head their own ways. We wander the concourse and I bump into Tyra who had lost Billy somewhere. We go to Wolfgang Puck’s little restaurant there and I order two daiquiris and a double Knob Creek on the rocks. This poor bartender was sooo stressed out, but she sees that I came in with two young ladies and wants to card all three of us. Besides the clubs and CVS it was the only time I was carded in Vegas. Her auto blender craps out on her in the middle of the drink and she’s trying hard to maintain composure at this point. It put in way too much ice, so I ask her to just double them up to compensate for the ice.

We play our last few slots and prepare to board the plane. I see Paul and Susan and she’s on the floor with her head in between his legs and she looks bad. I ask her if she’s ok and she nods and the gate attendant asks me if she’s on this flight. I respond yes and continue to sip my whiskey, one down. I get to the plane and there is the gay flight attendant and I talk to him about his work and schedule and where he lives and shit, waiting for the line to move into the plane, sipping my whiskey, two down. I get to the first class partition and here’s bitch attendant, ‘is that alcohol?’ I tell her it is, I didn’t know I couldn’t bring it on. She has to confiscate it so I take one last big gulp and surrender it, third one is an out.

Meanwhile Susan is sitting right in front of me on the window side and bitchy flight attendant comes over and asks how she’s feeling.
“How are you doing miss?”
“I’m good, just really tired”
“Well, I don’t think you’re that well. I’m gonna ask you to get off the plane”
“Are you going to get me a hotel room?”
“I don’t know, they’ll handle that at the gate, now please, I’m gonna ask you to get off the plane”
“Well I can’t I’ll miss my connection”
“We can do this the easy way or I can call the Police”

I can’t believe this lady and she’s being totally rude about it too. So I never got to say goodbye to Susan, none of us did. She was escorted off the plane and I never heard back from her about how she got home except that she stayed at the Trump and was routed through Portland the next day.

When we left Las Vegas it was in the mid sixties and sunny. When we got home it was minus ten and fucking cold.

Overall, when I look back on this trip I had a pretty good time, drama and all. If you’ve read this far then you practically came with me anyway. Thanks to all the Jcer’s who helped with input and stuff. I’ll be back down there November 12th 2010.

AK2Vegas

[ChappStick]

AK wow I must say phenomenal start to your TR. Very well written and interesting. I am going to read an entry for the last couple days I am here in Kandahar. Can't wait to get back home to the sometimes Fabulous sometimes not so. Las Vegas!

[LovesVegas18888]

I'm way too drunk to read this reight now.. but when I sober up.. I can't wait

[wat]

I'm way too drunk to read this reight now.. but when I sober up.. I can't wait

LOL

well done

[Drew]

i couldn't stop reading this thing. so much drama. I was getting stressed just reading parts of it!

Yes, get to clubs early and try your best to get hosts attention. Could try txting your host too if you have issues.

When you say you slept in between Tyra and Ginger... was it just sleeping ? ; ) (I would like to see Tyra's pics too lol)

Umm I'm assuming Ginger just slept in billy's room

Susan needs to get laid or something...

Nov 2010? What about AOD in MAY???

[dnix]

OMG...........I need clifnotes.

[AK2Vegas]

Just use the first part; we came, we saw, we left. There's no test on this

[LovesVegas18888]

I need to sober up.. I read the end of it and I can't wait to read the ebgigininog

[nyc2vegas]

Im FU#$%^& speechless right now!!! I think weve been scammed, are you a writer? I really feel like I just read a novel that will become a movie.

anyway, great job! I want to comment on a few parts:

1. Palin 2012
2. AT&T sux balls
3. I know what its like to be lost in the hallows of a casino....again sux balls!
4.any trip more than 2, is dramaful......sux balls
5.Great quotes from you to chicago guy, love it and I will def use it in the future with your blessing.

I see that you will be back for nov 2010, is there any possible way JC.com can entice you to change it to May 2010?

[wat]

Ok, dude - read through the ENTIRE thing.

Absolutely amazing. Sorry to hear the drama that went down - that stuff's gotta stay in Vegas, though.